I invented the Cheese Bukowski.

I invented my own cheeseburger and I’m damned proud.  I was going to call it “the Nolan Burger,” but that sounds too much like the “nothing burger” of today’s political parlance.  Then I was going to call it “the Roanoker,” but there is actually a restaurant here by that name.  (I could swear one of the local sandwich shops also has a sandwich called “the Roanoker” — maybe McAlister’s?)

So it’s the Cheese Bukowsi.  (I’d like to think old Charles would be happy with that.)

Here’s the recipe:

  1. Begin cooking only after sleeping late.  “Never get out of bed before noon.”
  2. Fry a burger only until it’s somewhat rare.
  3. Fry some thinly sliced hamsteak alongside the burger in the same pan.  Cook the hamsteak until it’s crispy and well done.
  4. Drape the hamsteak over the burger, and add two thick slices of Muenster cheese.  (If available, make it Boar’s Head brand.)
  5. If the grease in the pan sizzles and pops to burn your hand, just grin and bear it.  ““What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.”
  6. Offer to cook them for your buddies.  Because they’re pretty chill.
  7. Enjoy!  Chillax for a bit before moving on to the day’s tasks.  ““My ambition is handicapped by laziness.”

Remember to carry out all of the above with STYLE, God damn it!!!!!  “To do a dull thing with style — now that’s what I call art.”



My latest culinary masterpiece — the Cheesy Carpetbagger.

I thought that The Cheese Bukowski was the best burger I ever invented, but The Cheesy Carpetbagger just might be my true piece de resistance.

You just fry melted provolone over the burger itself, and colby jack cheese over a slice of honey ham beside it in the pan.  Then serve on toast, maybe with a cheesy one-liner.  Teach these Southerners how we do it in New York.