Update: I’m referring to the result of a haircut. I haven’t been the victim of a spell that magically transformed me into a Dutch schoolboy.

Update 2: “I SPILLED SNERT IN MY STROOPWAFEL, HEADMASTER.”

Update 3: “Hey, Girl. Wanna go out sometime? We can go Dutch.”

Update 4: DUTCH DO IT.

Update 5: I got a response to this last night from someone I think is a real, actual Dutch person.  She writes: “Can you just ride my bike and Presto I’m there. Hash tag lazy American omg do you have tequila.”

I’m … I’m not even sure what all of that means, but it sounds fun.