All posts by Eric Robert Nolan

Eric Robert Nolan graduated from Mary Washington College in 1994 with a Bachelor of Science in Psychology. He spent several years a news reporter and editorial writer for the Culpeper Star Exponent in Culpeper, Virginia. His work has also appeared on the front pages of numerous newspapers in Virginia, including The Free Lance – Star and The Daily Progress. Eric entered the field of philanthropy in 1996, as a grant writer for nonprofit healthcare organizations. Eric’s poetry has been featured by Dead Beats Literary Blog, Dagda Publishing, The International War Veterans’ Poetry Archive, and elsewhere. His poetry will also be published by Illumen Magazine in its Spring 2014 issue.

This is a totally real conversation I had on Twitter.

Obvious scammer on Twitter (disguised as sexy girl): “My name is Kaleta.”

Me: “My name is Luka. I live on the second floor.”

Scammer: “That’s nice to hear from you where are you from”

Me: “I live upstairs from you. Yes, I think you’ve seen me before.”

Scammer: “Oh really”

Me: “If you hear something late at night — some kind of trouble, some kind of fight — just don’t ask me what it was.”

Scammer: “Oh I see so can you send me pic of you If you don’t mind.”

Me: “I think it’s because I’m clumsy. I try not to talk too loud.”

Scammer: “Oh om Ok Can you send a pic of you This is me” [Sends picture again.  I have been reliably informed by a friend that the picture is actually one of the Playboy Playmates.  Which is curious, because “Kaleta’s” Twitter profile somewhat puzzlingly refers to her as an “Able God.”]

Me: “Maybe it’s because I’m crazy. I try not to act too proud.”


Me: “They only hit until you cry. After that you don’t ask why.”


Me:  “You just don’t argue anymore.
You just don’t argue anymore.
You just don’t argue anymore.”