But I think it’s about thyme.
Tag Archives: humor
New Glasses Nolan Sez Hello
I actually went to some trouble to get these glasses. It’s a long story that I won’t bore you with — but it involved a late night road trip with a fellow writer and seizing discount Twizzlers.
Pal of mine just texted and told me she’s “just feeling piggy oogy.”
Trying to figure out if that’s a typo or some new slang or what.
Maybe she’s fallen in with some teen Neanderthals.
Maybe we could make this a thing, if it isn’t already. Hell, we never made “fetch” happen.
Sure he’s prepared — with a doctor’s note.
Is it a fanny pack? OR IS IT STYLISH HEADGEAR?
Either way, that’s a truly terrible salute. They’re gonna bust me down to private for that.
God help me, I just ordered a fanny pack.
We need to call it something else to make it seem cooler. Tactical Urban Street Transporter?
If we call it a Tactical REMOVABLE Urban Street Transporter we can go with the acronym T.R.U.S.T., but I’m not sure how cool that sounds — I’ve never been an expert on what’s cool. T.R.U.S.T. sounds like a credit-building plan suggested by a patient, sympathetic banker.
Tactical Urban Freight Forwarder (T.U.F.F.)? No.
Tactical Omnipurpose Urban Ghetto Holder-of-things (T.O.U.G.H.) ? No.
Update: a pal of mine just suggested “Otter Pocket.” Hold up. That’s actually brilliant, because it compels me to adopt a corresponding otter occupant. And I have always wanted an excuse to enlist an otter.
“Ode to a Would-Be Swimmin’ Skink,” by Eric Robert Nolan
Hello to you, o’ silver skink!
You’re after my milkshake, I think —
perhaps to make a swimming pool
this hot Virginia afternoon.
But please don’t cool off in my drink,
for after your bronze head will sink,
I’ll accidentally sip your scales
or wiggling iridescent tail.
Please do me this one small favor —
spare me knowledge of your flavor
gained by a spaghetti-slurp
and gained again by little burp.
That sounds like some damn good candy.
Although, technically, terrible candy could also be “peerless,” because no other candy sinks to its level of mediocrity — like those “Good-n-Plenty” candies I got as a kid.
People say I think too much.
Anyway, we can safely mock the name because the Peerless Candy Company here in Roanoke is long gone. The Internet informs me that it was established in 1916 and lasted for about 35 years.
Green Lantern goes shopping.
CERTAIN PEOPLE WHO WE WILL NOT MENTION made a wealth of humorous comments about how unprecedented this was, because my friends apparently all know me as a homebody. WHATEVER.
What eye think.
Is it me, or does the logo for Vistar Eye Center bear an uncomfortable resemblance to the Sigil of The Crimson King from Stephen King’s “The Dark Tower” series?
It raises all sorts of questions for Vistar’s patients.
But you and I are on The Path of the Beam, folks.
