The bad news is — I’m one of those goddam heads from Easter Island.
This would at least explain my math skills.
Quick site update — if you happen to enjoy this here bloggity-type thing, and you’re following me on Google+, then please be aware that Google is shutting down that platform on April 2. If you’re not a WordPress subscriber (and therefore can’t follow me in its newsfeed), then you can always just bookmark my site. Or you can sign up for e-mail notifications with the button bottom left under the menu bar at this site.
I’m not really clear about why Google selected April 2 as a termination date for its social media platform. (The 1st falls on a Monday.) It occurs to me now that if they’d chosen April 1, then at least some people would think it was an April Fool’s Day joke. (People see hoaxes and conspiraciese everywhere these days.) I myself am looking forward to Jordan Peele’s reboot of “The Twilight Zone,” and that’s scheduled to debut on April 1. But that show sounds too good to be true, and at least part of me is suspicious that it’s all an elaborate April fool’s joke.
Today’s agenda — pet-sitting for my buddy Schrodinger while he’s out of town:
1) Let the dogs out;
2) Ascertain why the caged bird sings; and
3) Take special care of the little cat, but also kill it.
Photo credit: Meathead Movers [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D
People, if you have tartar sauce in your fridge and you’re not sure it’s good, please do not hold it up to your nose and sniff it to ascertain its viability. If in doubt, throw it out. Trust me on this.
Because it might smell like a syphilitic dragon with an anger disorder urinated radioactive turpentine onto a raging car fire outside an ammonia factory — right after a chemical warfare attack was waged nearby by the steaming Sulphur Men from Planet Terrible. You get the picture.
This is an important tip. I need to jot this down for that cookbook I’m working on.
Also, “the steaming Sulphur Men from Planet Terrible” is your writing prompt for tonight. Go.
Gonna be about a beautiful woman falling in love with a Montana horse rancher — although he has a debilitating cold and a sore throat.
Gonna call it The Hoarse Whisperer.
Am I brilliant or what? Let’s take a vote — yea or neigh? (Quit stallion.)
Hey, it can’t all be “A” material, alright? And when you’re sick with a nasty cold, you write jokes like this.
Please — nobody tell me if this pun has been done before. I’m tired of learning that time travelers are stealing my jokes and then posting them in the past.
And if you argue this joke is bad, then I demand equus time.
[Update: OMG, I kid you not — right after I posted this, I picked up a new WordPress follower named “Horst.” You can’t make this stuff up, people. (And if you are reading this, my new German friend, I do not mean to offend you.)]
It’s about an insomniac member of the Green Lantern Corps. His mental power to focus his ring’s energy results from hours of sleeplessness.
You think Guy Gardner was a $%^&? This dude’s crankier.
If so, send me to Stockholm. (Yeah, I know that’s where they hand you the Nobel, but I’ve always wanted to see Stockholm …)
I’ll never show restraint on social media.
BECAUSE THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEMES.