Tag Archives: humor

Shine on, you coiny diamond.

I know this is a weird thing with which to get preoccupied, but little mysteries drive me nuts.

What is the deal with this worn nickel?  Why does it sparkle the way it does?  Is it the work of an oblique prankster?  A faulty counterfeiter?  A chemical agent?  A sparkly vampire?

Occam’s razor suggests that it’s just a thin, undetectable acrylic paint or something.  But I swear doesn’t feel painted; it feels like an ordinary nickel.  And what kind of prank is that, anyway?  Who sits around painting nickels?  And why?

 

 

Happy Holidays, Guys.

I’m not sure why so many turn-of-the-century Christmas cards feature pig-powered elf transportation, but you’d be surprised.  It must be a Norwegian thing — in the same manner as their contemporaneous Americans had a predilection for frogs.  (Hey, it could be weirder, right?  Norway’s cards could features cadres of confused elves running a barber shop for pigs.)

Whatever.  Drive safe and be merry.  If you’re traveling far to see friends or family, remember to gas up your pigs.

 

1280px-Julemotiv_tegnet_av_Jenny_Nystrøm_(24207705158)

Jenny Nystrøm, circa 1895.

(Drama stinks.)

I came a bit too close for comfort just now with the skunk who lives around my street, Leonardo da Stinki.  I can usually saunter right by animals without them even noticing me, which I suppose is sort of a weird trait, or maybe a really boring X-Men mutant power.  Leonardo and I both sort of stumbled upon one another, halted abruptly, and made some awkward eye contact.  (It’s like running into your ex at Costco.) 

He thankfully ambled off, after I oafishly backpedaled.  (I can do oafish really well and with precisely zero effort; that’s another one of my superpowers.)  I’d like to think we had a tacit exchange: 

“I don’t want any drama tonight, do you?” 

“Nah.”

So there was no odoriferous outcome, and I’m grateful for that.  Leonardo has gotten quite big now that he is an adult, and I’m sure his own special abilities have correspondingly magnified.  (Why is there no skunk-themed member of The X-Men, anyway?  That feels like a creative oversight.)

I really want to snap a picture of him, because my aspirations in life make sense only to me, and he was crossing a well lit yard during his exit.  But this is The South, and I’m not sure how the average Roanoker might react if they discovered a weird, New York liberal taking pictures their property at night.  I have a feeling that’s a story that doesn’t end well.

 

 

800px-Twemoji12_1f9a8.svg

By Twitter, CC BY 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=77807699