I called Trump a dirty word.
Here I stand in Facebook jail.
Now my voice remains unheard!
Curse that pompous orange whale!!!
“Jail: the Only Remedy,” Walter H. Gallaway, circa 1902
“Orange is the New Crap”
Tag Archives: humor
YOU’D ACTUALLY BE SURPRISED AT THE THINGS I CAN WRITE.
LIFE imitates ART?!
One of these is my long-haired pandemic giant nerd head.
One of these is Katsushika Hokusai’s “The Great Wave Off Kanagawa” (color woodblock, 19th Century Edo period). YOU CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE CAN YOU?
WE ARE CURSED TO LIVE IN INTERESTING TIMES.
Wow. 40.
Hey, gang — thank you for all of the kind, funny and thoughtful well wishes for my birthday yesterday! You guys are the greatest!!
40 is a big year — and a big milestone — but you all made it a little easier for me to process. Love ya!!
[Update: Certain nefarious actors are perpetrating the HOAX that I am 48. This is FAKE NEWS. SAD!!]
Stop the pandemic. I want to get off.
What you see below is not Cousin It. That’s my goddam mullet.
In brightest birthday, in darkest night …
I got a new hat as an early birthday present — and, whaddaya know, it just so happens that it matches a ring I own. It’s almost as though they were standard issue for some sort of … galactic peace-keeping corps or something.
Next I need to get a bright green coffeemaker as my power battery.
This joke isn’t just a classic. IT’S CLASSICAL.
Have you heard my joke about Oedipus?
He didn’t have a girlfriend, exactly.
But he had a significant mother.
THE TRUMP IS OUT THERE.
Fun fact — “alien DNA ” and “demon sperm” were both plot devices on “The X-Files” (1993-2018). The former was part of a background story arc throughout most of the show’s seasons; the latter was the subject of a Season 6 episode entitled “Terms of Endearment.” (Aside from being a great episode, it’s notable because it stars horror icon Bruce Campbell.)
Stella Immanuel may be an irresponsible quack, but she really knows her sci-fi television.
This is a wise landlord.
The consensus online is that this is a typo — they probably meant to say “NO PETS.”
But you can never be too careful.
Tell me I’m wrong.
Don’t all photos of George Orwell invariably make him look like a very polite man who is really eager for your approval?
