Tag Archives: humor

Agatha Hotness, amirite?

(Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses.)

It actually just occurred to me that she is the only character that I’m aware of in the Marvel Cinematic Universe who’s broken the fourth wall. (Sure, Deadpool does it all the time, but he hasn’t been introduced to the MCU yet.)

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Oh, well. Circle of life and all that.

I’m not sure who our mystery predator is here.  As I’ve noted before, there is a notable dearth of stray cats in Roanoke.  I occasionally see one — but it’s nothing like my native New York, where stray cats outnumber people with a clean driving record.

Maybe the pupper next door did it.  I dunno.  He seems to be one of those gruff dogs who’s nevertheless timid (and adorable).  He sort of grumble-barks tentatively and then goes instantly quiet when you make eye contact with him.  He wandered into my backyard last summer and spent at least five minutes literally trembling in front of an empty tent, before he got up enough courage to bark at it.  Eventually he even ran away from that.

Whatever the case, I hope that the little patch of ground below doesn’t lie along a suburban game trail.  The is a place where bunny buds are known to roam.  And the last one I startled there just ran in a confused figure eight — and then mistakenly ran at me for a moment instead of away.  (Little brown fella had some kind of spatial relations problem.  Or maybe he was channeling General Woundwort.)

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“I LOVE LAMP.”

Are these the coolest Valentines goodies ever?!?!  That is a Himalayan Salt Lamp up top and that’s a big shiny lapel pin on the bottom.  I think the lamp looks like one of the Sankara Stones from “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” (1984).

And I think the anatomically accurate heart looks like one of the metal hearts created by Dr. Jacob Farmer in my horror tale, “At the End of the World, My Daughter Wept Metal.”  My Valentine didn’t even mean it that way — she just thought the pin was funny … which just kinda makes it awesomely, ominously meta.

Now whoever sees me in my overcoat is forewarned that my hubris will destroy the world.  (Clock’s ticking, people.)



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(STAY FROSTY, PEOPLE!)

Today’s agenda:

1) Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening.

2) Figure out whose woods these are. (I think I know — his house is in the village, though.)

3) Reassure my horse if he gives his harness bells a shake to ask if there is some mistake.

4) Keep my promises.

5) Go for miles.

6) Sleep.



(What would the costume even look like?)

There is a mourning dove on the telephone wire out front just staring through my window at me.

This might mean I need to become a mourning dove-themed superhero a la Frank Miller’s “Batman: Year One.”

Figures I’d get the depressing #@&* instead of a falcon or an owl something.



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VRNNMMM. VRRRRNNMM-NMM-NMM.

Dammit, I want Covid to be over.

I miss sidling quietly through heavy crowds at the mall making lightsaber sounds.

Seriously, you guys should hear my lightsaber impression. I have a really deep voice and I can do this vvvvvibrating thing with it that sounds straight out of the movies.   Work once stopped for a full afternoon at my first job because my co-workers wanted me to call every department on the phone and do it for them.  I was legend.