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A very short review of “Blair Witch” (2016)

I fully understand the reasonable popular criticisms of “Blair Witch” (2016).  But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t really enjoy it — I’d give it an 8 out of 10.

Yes, it’s largely a retread of the first film in 1999.  This putative sequel is effectively a remake, given how closely it parallels the original.  (And there are a lot of people who hated that movie to start with.)

There are other problems too.  A subplot’s non sequitur segue into body horror is entirely out of place, for example, and we have at least two characters who are so irritating that we can’t care much about their fate.  And then there are some missed opportunities involving technology.  (Much attention is paid to a drone that the ill-fated protagonists bring along in their trek into the woods, but it is underused later in the story.)

Still … this still worked for me.  I have always really liked found-footage horror movies, and I also like stories featuring local legends.  (They’re just more engaging to me than yet another slasher film or third-rate, no-budget zombie movie.)  And there are a couple of moments of brilliance.  The scariest has already been spoiled by the film’s trailer (seriously, f*** you,  Lionsgate marketing department).  But there are other nice touches … one is the dread-inducing, reality-bending story arc of the two locals who accompany the main protagonists.  (And weren’t these two supporting characters the most fun and interesting, anyway?)

And we indeed finally get glimpses of the titular Blair Witch!  They are brief and few, but they’re a damned effective, scary payoff.

All in all, this is still an offbeat horror outing in the same vein as the original, and I think the better parts made it a decent viewing.

 

I always wanted to be a wrap star.

I fear the geeks, even when they bring gifts.

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She’ll never guess what this is …

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Another miscalculation! I learned geometry from Common Core math.

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Catch up with “The Bees Are Dead.”

Be sure to stop over at The Bees Are Dead for some haunting and engaging dystopian poetry.

These include Alan Britt’s “Head First,” Malek Saleh Aweed’s “Agony’s Anthem,” and my own favorite among B.A.D.’s recently published poems, Strider Marcus Jones’ “The Mad Hatter Hiding in Dark Matter.”

Enjoy!

 

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Photo credit: By The original uploader was Kretz.biz at French Wikipedia – Transferred from fr.wikipedia to Commons by Bloody-libu using CommonsHelper., Attribution, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=16075981

Diego Velaquez’ “Venus at Her Mirror,” circa 1646

Oil on canvas.

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There should be a new drink called “The Donald Trump Presidency.”

There should be a new drink called “The Donald Trump Presidency.”  Any cheap Russian vodka will do, but the secret ingredient is that it needs to be bought illegally over the Internet.

Pour it in a “yuge” glass, stir it up like misguided populism, and insist that it’s “GREAT,” even if tastes like piss.  Then drink it until you’re a racist braggart and an imbecile who can’t form coherent sentences — or at least until you make sexually suggestive remarks about your own daughter.

It might taste like a bitter pill to a majority of Americans, but certain Republicans will cheerfully swallow it down like a fake news story.  The only danger is to Republican partygoers is that they might grow so belligerent that they fight amongst themselves, dividing their party.

 

 

Photo credit:  By © Achim Raschka / Wikimedia Commons / CC-BY-SA-3.0, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=26371496

Sammy T’s in Fredericksburg is reopening!!

See Lindley Estes’ article yesterday in The Free Lance-Star!!

My alums and I have our road trip planned!  Have you?

http://www.fredericksburg.com/news/business/three-married-couples-coming-out-of-retirement-to-reopen-sammy/article_4979956d-3cf5-5956-ae0f-f265589af9ac.html

James Jowers’ “Tompkins Square Park,” 1967

Gelatin silver print.  George Eastman House collection.

Shadow-dwelling attic cats.

It isn’t just a metaphor my disordered thoughts any more.  There are literally two cats who routinely practice their ninjutso skills in my attic.

 

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“Table of Christmas Gifts for a Girl,” unknown artist, 1840