Why Smaug is the Perfect Diction Dragon.

I really must have been asleep at the wheel when I reviewed “The Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug” (2013).  It escaped me entirely that the titular dragon was voiced by none other than the immeasurably talented Benedict Cumberbatch, and that that Tauriel was played by “LOST” alumna Evangeline Lilly.  (I never could quite make out her name in this film, as characters seemed to keep saying it in different accents.  For a while, I thought she was named “Ariel,” then I settled on “Thoriel.”)

Cumberbatch was perfect.  (At this point, can we expect anything less?)  I am sure I am not the only nerd in fandom for whom Smaug’s scenes are now made funny, given the legendary friendship between “Holmes” and Martin Freeman’s “Watson.”

Lilly was damn good too.  She always was a good actress; LOST did something great in giving her her breakout role.

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“Legionnaire’s Disease: NYC Outbreak Leaves 7 Dead,” ABC News, 8/4/15

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/legionnaires-disease-nyc-outbreak-leaves-dead-michigan-woman/story?id=32872499

F. Tolstoy’s “Morpheus”

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Photo credit: Shakko, via Wikimedia Commons.

A gorgon’s head, from the “Monsters Exhibition,” Palazzo Massimo, Rome, 2014

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Photo credit:  “Antefissa circolare a testa di gorgone, 510-500 ac ca., da taranto (MAN taranto)” by Sailko – Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.

Poe’s Raven is quite real, but today he’s cursing people out in the Hood.

Quoth the Raven, “F#%& YOU.”

I’m constantly seeing articles about crows’ advanced intelligence, but I had no idea that corvids could mimic human speech.

Here is a random raven accosting a stranger on his porch.  But instead of some antiquated “Nevermore,” he promptly curses out his new acquaintance.

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“RIDE WITH ME. FOR MY PLEASURE.”

Most poorly crafted pickup line ever?

I might have stuck with the “Do you think I could have a plum?” approach he took when he first met Reba.  It was a surprisingly effective icebreaker.

And the dude only says “UHHHHHHHH” at the dinner table.  You could say he gets by on looks, but … she’s blind.

Also … THORIN GOT TALL.  And somehow even grouchier.

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Rest In Peace, Rowdy Roddy Piper.

I was never a wrestling fan, but I sure as hell remember the newly passed Rowdy Roddy Piper as the terrifically likable hero of John Carpenter’s “They Live” (1988).  To this day, I still think it’s a pretty scary movie.

Piper was a great everyman — perfectly suited for this 1980’s underrated cult classic about an ordinary man-on-the-street fighting a sprawling alien shadow government conspiracy.  His tough-but-lovable, working-class anti-yuppie was spot on.  (Carpenter’s left-leaning sci-fi gem posed the bourgeoisie as alien impersonators and their wealthy human collaborators.)

Check out “They Live,” if you get a chance.  And please … try these sunglasses.  JUST PUT ‘EM ON.

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You know what can really make you feel old?

When your high school friends start to sound like your parents.

“Hey!  You kids!  GET OFF MY LONGWOOD.”

A review of “Unfriended” (2014)

“Unfriended” (2014) is a low-budget independent horror film that took enormous risks — and boy, did they pay off nicely.  This is an outstanding and truly creative entry into the found-footage horror sub-genre that deserves a 9 out of 10.

This movie is unique, as far as I’m aware — it is seen almost entirely through the computer screen of one of five friends terrorized by a vengeful ghost — a classmate who commit suicide after a humiliating video of her was posted online.  But the term “vengeful ghost” probably doesn’t do justice to Laura Barns; the antagonist here brutally turns the story into a kind of slasher film.  It’s surprisingly well done.  Screenwriter Nelson Greaves attacks the script with darkly ingenius flair, as Laura sadistically and psychologically torments each victim before dispatching them.

The movie was shot in a single long take, and the actors actually performed in different rooms of the same house.  Except for its final shot, it takes place exclusively on Skype, Facebook, and Youtube, I think.  It makes me wonder … did the filmmakers get permission from those websites?  I doubt it.  Or are screenshots of global, publicly accessible forums like those not protected by copyright?

The only real quibbles I had reflect “Unfriended’s” limited budget.  The character deaths vary greatly in realism.  One is terrifying, another is slightly less so. One is scary but also puzzling, given its modus operandi.  One is scary only if you are susceptible to a predictable jump scare.  And one is so obviously staged that it seems like something you or I might better portray with a $4 prop from a novelty store.

I should note also that this is a particularly dark film, even without the horror elements.  Its portrayal of teenage life during the Internet age is ugly, to say the least.  Suppose there were no homicidal ghost in this story — it would still be a disturbing film even if every character besides the suicidal Laura survived.

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Nurse Your Favorite Heresies in Whispers