It’s like the scissors are cursed or something.  (Hey, that’s the start of a horror story — one of you get on that.  I’ve got enough works-in-progress as it is.)

The solution is obvious — I need to never gat a haircut again.  Maybe I’ll develop super-strength, like Samson.  After a lifetime of trying in vain to develop superpowers, I figure the universe owes me.