Today’s agenda — help my fellow Greeks breach Troy’s defenses by constructing a vast, hollow wooden replica of my head and having them hide within it.

CALL IT THE TROJAN DORK.

Why not “The Greek Horse?”  The Greeks constructed it.  Suppose you have an artist friend in Greece, and he or she mails a traditional Hellenic sculpture to you here in America (and hopefully with nothing all cunning and stabby and murdery inside of it).   You wouldn’t call it an American sculpture.  It would be a Greek sculpture, right?

“Troy” is a masculine name.  But does it ever occur to guys named “Troy” that they were named for an archetypal conquered city?

Why is “Trojan” a desirable brand name for a condom?  A small group of Greeks penetrated their city’s defenses with regrettable surprise consequences.

This is the $#/+ I think about when I wake up at 2:35 am and can’t get back to sleep.  I swear I can’t turn it off.

Then Credence Clearwater Revival starts playing in my head and things get worse from there.