— that now Uwe Boll will challenge me to a boxing match.
Oh well. If it happens, then at last I can finally invoke the phrase (and in context!) “Come at me, Bro!”
All posts by Eric Robert Nolan
4-LAN reviews Clive Anthony’s “Wildmind”
There’s another great review by 4-LAN over at his column, “What I Am Reading.” This time out, it is Clive Antony’s “Wildmind,” which sounds like a hell of a fun mashup of fantasy and classical history.
Thanks for the heads up, 4-LAN!
I know that 4-LAN is a human bibliophile and a talented writer himself. But if you grew up with R2-D2, KITT, and the HAL-9000, you actually do have fun pretending he is actually a book-reviewing robot, as his moniker suggests, or at least some form of AI.
Here’s the review:
http://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profiles/blogs/what-i-am-reading-20
A quick review of “Rampage: Capital Punishment” (2014)
“Rampage: Capital Punishment” is a poorly directed, poorly written, and poorly executed horror-thriller that is partially redeemed by the brilliant performance of bad guy Brendan Fletcher. And that’s a shame, because the original “Rampage” (2009), despite its flaws, was actually very effective as a horror movie, and a surprise win for the Internet’s favorite whipping boy, Uwe Boll.
The less said about Boll’s writing and directing, the better. I’ll leave it at that. And we see some pretty bad acting from guys who were at least okay in other movies.
Even the movie poster is problematic. The movie does not take place in Washington, DC; unless I’m mistaken, it’s the same small town as the first film. This is also a low-budget film that take place mostly in the basement of an office complex. And … if the title is meant to be a play on words … shouldn’t it read “C-A-P-I-T-O-L Punishment?”
Still, anyone who studies acting might want to see Fletcher’s performance as the psychotic spree killer. He hits it out of the park. He is obviously an extremely gifted young actor. He’s intense, frightening and natural in the role, and he makes a great villain. Talk about a guy who is NOT phoning it in. I sincerely hope that at some point Hollywood puts him in a better movie.
Question: why does the uncredited television producer in the movie have a German accent? Is that Boll himself in a bit of stunt casting? IMDB doesn’t say.
“Seagull,” by Eric Robert Nolan
“Seagull,” by Eric Robert Nolan
(First publsihed in Dead Snakes, November 2013)
Like an awkward emperor,
you sit alone atop
the rooftop of my urbane neighbors.
Squat and fat and white, you’re
a satisfied and unenlightened despot.
Edicts issue out
From your discordant “caw!”
What do those yuppies think of you?
Your mien makes
Their rich art-deco house
A commonplace kingdom.
Your ungainly gait makes
a prosaic palace of their home.
Cardinals arcing over
are airborne scarlet darts.
Pairs of swallows will sometimes
loop in symmetry.
You’ll have none of it. You’re
All utilitarian flight
And graceless landings.
If you were human
you’d be a pot-bellied plumber, perhaps
in a wife-beater t-shirt
holding a beer.
Other birds will swoop and dive.
Other birds will sing.
But your cawing only exhorts us,
“Hail to The King.”
© Eric Robert Nolan 2013
http://deadsnakes.blogspot.com/2013/11/eric-robert-nolan-three-poems.html
I actually have a joke for “Talk Like A Pirate Day.”
I can’t claim credit for this one — it was related to me a while back by Brian Kelly of Wading River, New York. But it went over quite swimmingly today with my friends.
Q: “What is a pirate’s favorite letter?”
[Respondent inevitably guesses “Rrrrrrr.”]
A: “You’d think it’d be ‘Rrrrr,’ but it’s “The C.”
Photo credit: John Baur (“Ol’ Chumbucket”), one of the founders of Talk Like a Pirate Day. (Via Wikimedia Commons.)
14 real things my female friends have recently taught me:
1) Use your debit card instead of making ATM withdrawals to avoid the fee.
2) Ramen noodles have no nutritional value. And healthy meals CAN be made fairly quickly.
3) Just pull your shirt over that belt.
4) Try not to worry too much about what other people think.
5) Try not to worry too much about your age.
6) Not everybody is trying to search your computer. Also, you might be a little paranoid.
7) Not ALL vegetables assault the senses. Try this with a little cheese.
8) Reciting W. H. Auden is fine, but it’s okay to learn the work of other poets too.
9) One thing at a time.
10) Breathe.
11) “What did you eat today?” (You should eat more.)
12) Don’t freak out if I sound like your mother. (“WHAT DID YOU EAT TODAY?!!”) I am not “in collusion with” your mother. Also, you may be a little bit paranoid.
13) Sometimes there is a bit of a fine line between chivalry and sexism.
And last, but not least, the oft-revisited imperative:
14) SOMETIMES THERE ARE THINGS THAT WE DO NOT SAY OUT LOUD.
I have been enthusiastically informed that today is Talk Like A Pirate Day.
I am uncertain how to proceed.
“Feast,” by Eric Robert Nolan
“Feast”
Originally published on October 16, 2013, by Every Day Poets.
All this talk about Scottish independence and not a single “Braveheart” joke?
Or even a reference to “Highlander?!”
You disappoint me, world. Am I the only one in the world who watches MOVIES?!
Most disturbing Christmas imagery ever?
If you have a darker sense of humor, as I do, you just might laugh at this. It’s a great piece — so great that I couldn’t wait until the holidays to link to it.
What a great ending!
Check out “Unmediated Experience,” by Bob Hicock, over at The Poetry Foundation:
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 