Dammit.
If you look closely, you can see that I spilled both the coffee and the milk.
[Update: I just sat down and tried to eat cereal with a fork, and now I’m looking for someone to blame.]
“The Moon,” Alfons Mucha, 1902
“Consider thyself to be dead …”
“Consider thyself to be dead, and to have completed thy life up to the present time; and live according to nature the remainder which is allowed thee.”
— Marcus Aurelius
Marcus Aurelius, fragment of a bronze portrait.
Roman artwork, after 170 CE.
(Whew.)
Woke up with weird *&^%ing dreams.
Then I remembered I’m a weird *&^%ing guy and breathed a sigh of relief.
Anyway … Kit Harington might be the next Wolverine — that’s what people are saying.
You can tell I’m doing whatever I can to avoid the disconcerting national news headlines, can’t you?
“The Almighty hath not built Here for his envy.”
Here at least
we shall be free; the Almighty hath not built
Here for his envy, will not drive us hence:
Here we may reign secure, and in my choice
to reign is worth ambition though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven.
— John Milton, Paradise Lost
Illustration by Gustave Dore, 1866
“The Village,” Stepan Kolesnikov, 1907
A short review of “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” (2019)
It’s true what they say about “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” (2019) — its script is almost completely brainless. It’s got about as much depth as the old “G.I. Joe” cartoon (1983-1986) that played after school when we were kids.
But I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t enjoy this. And I’m sure you know why — the big-budget, big-MONSTER special effects. They were spectacular — and sometimes they approached being unexpectedly beautiful. (It’s hard to explain here, but our eyes are treated to more than skyscraper-tall brawls between “titans.” We get a light show too — thanks to some confusing, thinly scripted, but nonetheless dazzling energy-based monster powers. It was really damned good.)
Add to this a generally excellent cast, and you might be able to forgive the screenplay for insulting your intelligence. I know that most people would name Ken Watanabe as the actor who truly classes up the joint. And there’s plenty of truth to that, but I myself would name Charles Dance as the movie’s biggest standout. The man’s craft is goddam Shakespearean, and I think he’s equal of the likes of Patrick Stewart or Ian McKellen. And I’d like to think that his throwaway line, “Long live the King,” was at least partly a fan-service reference to what I’m guessing is his best known role — Tywin Lannister on HBO’s “Game of Thrones” (2011-2019).
Based on my own enjoyment, I’d rate this movie an 8 out of 10 — with the caveat that I’m a kid at heart when it comes to giant monsters. If you’re the same way, then “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” might just become a guilty pleasure that you return to more than once.
“Two Peasants,” Stepan Kolesnikov
Gouache on cardboard.
This is the e-mail I sent to Justin Trudeau about Trump’s failed bid to purchase Greenland.
I’d like to think that I sent it … Justin time?
*****
Subject: Suggestion that Canada Purchase Greenland to “Troll” Donald Trump
Justin Trudeau
Liberal MP for Papineau (Québec)
1100 Crémazie East
(Main Office)
Suite 220
Montréal QC H2P 2X2
justin.trudeau@parl.gc.ca
Dear Prime Minister Trudeau:
While I could never truly hope for another country to prevail over my own in a diplomatic matter, may I at least point something out to you? If Canada successfully negotiated the purchase of Greenland from Denmark, it would be a sublime example of you “trolling” United States President Donald Trump. (As you are doubtless aware, Prime Minister, Denmark rejected Trump’s offer.)
It would be doubly impressive in terms of trolling the president if you celebrated the deal’s finalization by throwing a massive party on the southwest shore of Greenland — to ostentatiously celebrate Canada’s newest acquisition. I realize, Sir, that the climate there is a bit cold for swimming, but you could still dance on the beach with a group of bikini-clad young women in the same manner as the television program “MTV Beach House.” (I’ve been told here in the United States that many women are prone to fawning over you.)
It would be an even better example of “throwing shade” at President Trump if you made a short speech during this televised beach party, and demonstrated your fluency in a language other than English. Or maybe your … fluency in English. Or maybe a short speech that highlighted your scientific literacy. Or, perhaps, your general literacy. Or your adult-level intelligence. Or your coherence. Or even just your not-fucking-dangerous-insanity. Any remarks in which you surpassed the current American president’s own capabilities would suffice.
Please be sure to invite German Chancellor Angela Merkel. That would obliquely, yet quite assuredly, “dis” him.
I wouldn’t expect you to invite me. I have been reliably informed by my fellow Americans that I am not “cool,” by any conventional modern understanding of the word. I know I am not cool enough to party on a Greenland beach with Justin Trudeau and a group of bikini-clad women.
Yet I am so eager to see such a deal move forward that I am willing to partner with Canada to ensure the event’s success. I volunteer to financially support music for the event that I have described above. If a member of your office will contact me at the number below my signature line, I will cheerfully arrange to send you CD’s for the celebration. Just between us, Prime Minister, I am a bit of a dealmaker myself. I successfully negotiated a deal with a certain “BMG Music Club” several decades ago in which the company agreed to provide me with 12 CD’s for the price of one — and I cleverly multiplied the value of that deal by simply using multiple names in response to their proposed contract. I never fully capitalized on the company’s obligations to my various names, because I moved away from my college dormitory address in 1994. (I simply listed the location as “Justice League America Headquarters.”)
Please consider my suggestion. I wish you the best in your ongoing efforts to preserve the friendship between our two countries.
Kindest regards,
Eric Robert Nolan, United States
ericrnolan@gmail.com
XXX-XXX-XXXX
Poster for “The Omega Man” (1971)
Warner Bros. Pictures.
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 