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A tiny review of “V/H/S/2” (2013).

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I wanted to love “V/H/S/2” (2013).  I really did.  I loved the first one, and I like the subversive, no-holds-barred tone of the franchise.  But I can only give this a 4 out of 10.

The first segment had a creative premise; the point-of-view device for the second segment was fantastic.  (Why hasn’t a zombie filmmaker thought of that before?)  But there is just too much bad acting, bad dialogue and annoying shaky-cam, along with some painfully low-budget special effects.

I’d recommend viewing only the second segment and skipping the rest.  (And even that one isn’t exactly high art.)

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When Stanley Kubrick Meets Alfred Hitchcock (A Short Review of “Ex Machina”)

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I was all set to skewer “Ex Machina” (2015).  I thought that the title smacked of cliche and pretense, and it looked so much like a boiler-plate boy-meets-girlbot maudlin melodrama.  How wrong I was — this movie deserves a 9 out of 10 for being the smartest and most surprising film I have seen in recent memory.

I won’t say much, for fear of spoilers.  All three leads handed in perfect performances — Alicia Vikander is simply fantastic as an example of artificial intelligence, and this is coming from a nerdboy who has rewatched everything from “Blade Runner” to “2001: A Space Odyssey” to Ron Moore’s “Battlestar Galactic.”   Man, how amazing would it be to watch a film in which the HAL 9000 is her adversary?  (I want to say more here about that, but won’t spoil why it would be so interesting.)

If you are watching this movie and think it is descending into cliche and predictability, stay with it.  I counted no fewer than four major twists by the story’s conclusion.  One is predictable; the remaining three are not.  And the last one is a real killer.  I was all set to write up an account of the story’s plot holes, but director Alex Garland was 10 steps ahead of me the entire time.

My only two remaining criticisms are pretty mild, and they are echoing other reviewers.  One, this movie is a bit long and slowly paced.  Two, we see extremely little action, which wouldn’t have been gratuitous if the story called for it.  The one “action” sequence we see is also underwhelming and poorly staged.  (Its combatants seem to be on heavy doses of lithium.)  Please, people, do not pay for a ticket thinking you are about to see an action-thriller … Or … even a quickly paced thriller.

Don’t let those quibbles bother you, though.  This is a great cerebral science fiction movie.

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King Snake.

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Because I said so.

And because sometimes Daredevil is even cooler when he is a psychopathic, impeccably mannered, articulate English crime lord who is repeatedly vanquished by a child.

(It isn’t as stupid as it sounds.)

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One scary “Mama.”

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“Mama” (2013) was quite good; I’d give it an 8 out of 10.  Jessica Chastain does a great job with a well written character arc — initially unlikable, but then a surprising heroine.  And it’s great that she got top billing, instead of the film’s obligatory telegenic male protagonist, who actually spends a lot of time off-screen.

Guillermo del Toro actually didn’t direct this, as I thought — he was the executive producer.  The director and screenwriter was Andrés Muschietti.  But I swear this has the feel of del Toro’s work.  It could stand as a thematic sequel to the wonderful “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” remake, for example, which also had strong elements of childhood fantasy and motherhood as a theme.

And what a great and beautifully creepy use of CGI to render the title baddie.  In fact, the whole movie was visually terrific, with a fairy-tale-ish use of movement and color that was cool, creative and different.  There are really clever flourishes for fright-flick fans — I personally really liked the tug-of-war scene.

I occasionally noticed some plot-convenient mysteries … one character is assaulted but survives?  And “Mama” can move with either lightning speed or plodding slowness, depending on what the story calls for.  And … at one point … do we actually have a zombie?  Do we need to call on Rick Grimes and his band of survivors from “The Walking Dead?”

This was fun.  Check it out.

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Rest In Peace, B.B. King

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http://abc13.com/723692/

The Thrill Is Gone:

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So … a bird attacked me today.

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Catbird, I think.  I was eating a cheeseburger on the grass outside Wendy’s.  Because it was beautiful out, and MacDonald’s is bad for you.

It just … flew into the back of my head.

THEN it divebombed me again, but didn’t connect.

And THEN it dived at me AGAIN as I scrambled across the parking lot!  (This wasn’t a retreat.  This was a STRATEGIC WITHDRAWAL.)  This crap was right out of the pterodactyl scene from that “Jurassic World” trailer!!)

So …  was it after my sandwich?  Was its nest nearby?  Could it smell the carpetbagger on me?

Virginia people.  I hold you accountable for your horrible, possibly-mutant, terror inducing, nerd-hating, deadly Kamikaze fauna.

Pictured:  EVIL.

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Nerdultery.

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For years, I have been a fanatic for Ron Moore’s “Battlestar Galactica.”

I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT THE NEW STAR WARS TRAILER.

I feel like I’m cheating on my wife.

“Chewie?  We’re home.”

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“Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. “

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“Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world’s great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs.

“I am haunted by waters.”

— Norman Maclean, “A River Runs Through It”
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River Fluvia at Olot, Bridge of San Roc, Catalonia, taken by Wamito, Wikimedia Commons

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Wait … “Farmville” is a real place?!

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Link below to “22 Virginia Small Towns that You’re Going to Love,” by Casey Higgins at Virginia’s Travel Blog.

I’ve never been to Farmville, Virginia, but it can’t nearly be as annoying as its online namesake.

Anyway, Culpeper made the list, but not Fredericksburg.  Fredericksburg has grown beyond a “small town,” I think, and is therefore too cool for this list.

http://blog.virginia.org/2014/02/22-small-towns/

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My review of “The Walking Dead” Season 3 premiere.

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I am blogging some old reviews from Facebook; this was my take on the premiere of “The Walking Dead’s” third season.  Here’s where I finally diss on Season 2.  (Or … is “throwing shade” the modern parlance?  I keep hearing that expression and don’t know what it means.)

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“The Walking Dead” returned to form tonight with a third season premiere that resurrected the magic of the first season, and even added more. I’d give this a 10 out of 10, and I was a guy who complained about Season 2. It’s better than ever.

With this opening episode, all the second season’s problems seemed to disappear. Our friends ARE OFF THE DAMNED FARM, and on the run, in a fast-paced horror story instead of a weird postapocalyptic milieu-type drama starring Old MacDonald, Good Cop and Bad Cop. There’s action, tension, scares, mood, setting, atmosphere and decent characters – not another episode of “The Waltons,” in which zombies occasionally visited.

Every major character is imperiled and has to fight. Even young Carl wields a gun and racks up a few kills. And it’s a smart script, with just enough expository dialogue to explain what they’re trying to do.

Seriously, for a horror fan, there’s damned good fun here. The makeup and special effects are f***ing incredible. (Greg Nicotero is a genius.) There’s also a few very nice creepy touches connected with the setting – including one group of zombies that are a little harder to kill. (I’m not sure if the writers knew this, but that device was also used by Dave Wellington in his “Monster Island” zombie novel.) And there are a couple of nice touches lifted straight out of the comic.

Rick used to be a boring boy scout and generic good guy who only seemed interesting as a foil for Shane. He’s much more interesting here as a fallible, darker character. Carl, previously an annoying and redundant plot device (“Where’s Carl?”), is damned cool this time out. Michonne, maybe a more difficult character to write and play, is just perfect.

Hell, this was better than one or two of the George A. Romero movies. Seriously, nice work, AMC!

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