Ugliest Christmas ornament ever?

I am inclined to think so.

This was a gag gift for a pal of mine — I got it for three bucks at my local five-and-dime.  Unless Picasso designed this ornament (and I don’t think he did), that misshapen, asymmetrical dog’s head is unintentional.  (Is anyone else reminded of Blair in the autopsy scene of John Carpenter’s “The Thing” saying, “That’s not dog?”  In fact … this could arguably be the coolest Christmas ornament ever …)  Anyway, I can’t tell if that stringy brown fur is supposed to symbolize the dog’s bed or just … dog hair?

Somewhere this holiday season, there is a craftsman who should keep his day job.

Do people in the South say “five-and-dime?”  It occurs to me now that I don’t think I’ve heard the expression since I left New York.

 

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Our great-great-grandparents smoked crack around Christmas time.

It is the only possible explanation for their bizarre greeting cards.  (Just one more post about this, I promise.)

The card below is from the Victorian era.  It features an apparently affluent … turnip man.  Who wishes the reader “a Merry Christmas” with handheld stone tablet shaped like a heart.  (Is it a tombstone?  Why is their a flowering plant growing out of it?)

Now … if I had been this card’s creator, I would have at least added, “I hope all sorts of good things turnip for you in the New Year.”  Because that’s how I roll.

 

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I know that this is childish for me to go on about. (But when has that ever stopped me before?)

The trees in Melania Trump’s new White House Christmas display are BLOOD-red.  They’re like something out of the film adaptations of Clive Barker’s “Hellraiser” books. They look like they’re metal frames layered with webs of human capillaries.

It’s a Pinhead Christmas.

(I’m so sorry you have to put up with such weirdness when you visit this blog.  You people put up with a lot, seriously.  But I watch a lot of horror movies, okay?)

[Update: an alumna of mine just piped in — “It is a pinhead Christmas in more ways than one.”  Well played, Madam.]

 

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