I will not be reviewing “The Human Centipede 3” here …

… because I will not watch the movie.  I watched the entire original, and even reviewed it.  (If you guys are ever interested, look up Roger Ebert’s review of the first movie.  It’s a treatise on tactful, oblique language.)  Then I watched maybe the first 20 minutes of “The Human Centipede 2.”  Frankly, that is just about enough human-centipedey-ness for one lifetime.

I keep mistakenly calling them “The Human Caterpillar” movies … I think that might be some form of Freudian repression.

This film is just so … gross that it’s beneath even me and the reprobates that will occasionally populate my peer group.  I can’t link here to the film’s trailer, or even post a movie poster, because they are just too explicit and repulsive.

Why not focus instead on the Camden family, of The WB’s heartwarming Christian dramedy, “7th Heaven?”  They are far more pleasant, and I’m pretty sure that they inhabit a universe where films like “The Human Centipede 3” do not exist.

Oh you quirky Camdens, with your disarming foibles and well-intentioned hi-jinks!!  YOU’VE CHARMED EVEN THIS SECULAR CURMUDGEON, HAVEN’T YOU???


7 thoughts on “I will not be reviewing “The Human Centipede 3” here …”

    1. You read and enjoy a man’s newspaper column every day and … you start to think of him as a trusted friend. It’s weird, but it’s true. Hope he’s way up in the sky with multiplexes that show free movies, enjoying free popcorn and soda.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I had never heard of him before so I just think of him as Possible Paedo – which is an unfair assessment, probably. “Tale of a Gold Monkey” sounds quite good – was there actually a gold monkey in it? I love monkeys.

        Liked by 1 person

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