Well, hot damn. Not all healthy food is stultifyingly gross to eat. I can’t remember the last time I ate watermelon — maybe in college? I’m pretty sure that watermelon-flavored Jolly Ranchers don’t count.
But this is a miracle food. I didn’t have to add any salt or sugar ore even fry it in order for it to taste delicious. Why didn’t people advise me to eat this to start with?
Tomorrow — tofu. Or maybe not. I bought a tray of that #$%*, but it’s been sitting in my fridge for a while now, because I’m too afraid to open it. I swear to you … the loose, cool weight of it in that little plastic dish feels precisely how I would expect a slice of prepackaged cadaver to feel in my hands. I might leave it out for the turkey vultures. (Note to New Yorkers — the South indeed has these truly enormous birds called “turkey vultures” or “turkey buzzards.” You kinda have to see it to believe it.) I’ll update you guys.