Tag Archives: jolly ranchers

The melon-choly days are come.

Well, hot damn.  Not all healthy food is stultifyingly gross to eat.  I can’t remember the last time I ate watermelon — maybe in college?  I’m pretty sure that watermelon-flavored Jolly Ranchers don’t count.

But this is a miracle food.  I didn’t have to add any salt or sugar ore even fry it in order for it to taste delicious.  Why didn’t people advise me to eat this to start with?

Tomorrow — tofu.  Or maybe not.  I bought a tray of that #$%*, but it’s been sitting in my fridge for a while now, because I’m too afraid to open it.  I swear to you … the loose, cool weight of it in that little plastic dish feels precisely how I would expect a slice of prepackaged cadaver to feel in my hands.  I might leave it out for the turkey vultures.  (Note to New Yorkers — the South indeed has these truly enormous birds called “turkey vultures” or “turkey buzzards.”  You kinda have to see it to believe it.)  I’ll update you guys.

 

8480646332297659974