“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought as a child, I reasoned as a child. When I became a man, I put away childish things.”
— 1 Corinthians 13:11
“I Wait,” by Julia Margaret Cameron, public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.
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“Feminists at Mary Washington say they were threatened on Yik Yak,” Justin Jouvenal and T. Rees Shapiro, Washington Post
My review of “The Walking Dead” Season 2.
I am blogging my past TV reviews from Facebook; this was my (probably too kind) assessment of “The Walking Dead’s” problematic second season. (I have since actually suggested to newcomers to the show that they skip this season entirely.)
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I want to love “The Walking Dead’.” I really do. It actually IS a very good show, and it brings one of my favorite horror subgenres into the mainstream. When I was in high school and college, fans of post-apocalyptic zombie horror were a relatively small group. Even if you liked horror films, most people leaned toward different kinds of movies. And the books and films that zombie fans enjoyed sort of petered out after the 1980’s. It just wasn’t a big thing.
And “The Walking Dead” has a lot going for it. (Through Netflix streaming, I was just able to catch up on the second season.) Can anyone name a show on cable television today that has more pathos? This show pushes the boundaries. I’ve often been surprised at what gets past the censors.
It’s got an expansive scope, a great basic story, and one extremely interesting character. (I don’t even need to say who it is – he started out as a supporting character and a plot device for creating tension within the group, and his popularity has soared past any other character.) This show probably also has the greatest makeup special effects of any television show I’ve ever seen. Yes, “The X-Files” occasionally gave us great monsters like “Flukeman,” but that was only for a single episode. “The Walking Dead” gives us visually terrifying adversaries every time we tune in.
But this show is also problematic. The pacing problems are enormous. Let’s look at the structure of every episode. It begins with an enjoyable pre-credit “hook” – something to reel us in. It usually ends with a bit of a cliffhanger – a brief action segment or dramatic event that’s a hell of a lot of fun. But between those two things … ugh. Sometimes the show seems like a boring soap opera that is bookended by brief zombie horror sequences. Really. What does it say about a show if you sometimes just fast-forward through all the conversations just to get to “the good parts?”
Oh well. I still like it a hell of a lot. This show always keeps me coming back, and I’m eagerly awaiting Season 3 on October 14. I’d give the second season an 8 out of 10.
I will never tire of this joke. I will never tire of this joke.
I have no idea why I find it so brilliantly funny. I think it’s because the kids look so casual.
My review of “V/H/S” (2012).
I am blogging my past movie reviews from Facebook; this was my take on “V/H/S.” The tongue-in-cheek reference to Roger Ebert at the end was written before his passing.
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Finally – a horror anthology that’s worth its salt! “V/H/S” (2012) got mixed reviews from both fans and critics, but I personally loved it. I haven’t had this much fun with a collection since “Creepshow” (1982); I’d give “V/H/S” a 9 out of 10.
It definitely isn’t for everybody. This is a collection of five violent, found-footage vignettes, all shot in low-quality shaky cam that even got on my nerves, and I usually don’t mind it too much. It’s gimmicky and low-budget, with brief “urban legend” –type stories that offer little characterization or detail. The quality of the acting was also wildly uneven, and in one segment was so bad that it was distracting.
But, damn it, it worked. This was overall a hell of a lot of fun, with shorts that were raw and inventive. And all of this film’s various flaws were more than made up for by its incredible first segment, “Amateur Night,” which might be the scariest horror film of its kind that I’ve ever seen. (I don’t want to name its sub-genre because I think that even that would be a spoiler. Regrettably, though, I think the film’s advertising sort of does let the cat out of the bag.) Seriously, “V/H/S’” first segment was goddam terrifying, and ought to be ranked right up there with “The Exorcist” (1973). This makes it worth the price of a rental alone. And I think this part was so scary largely because of Hannah Fierman, a talented physical actress who is also unusual looking.
Seriously, if you’re a hardcore horror fan, you owe it to yourself to at least give this a try. Ignore Roger Ebert’s review. He was having a bad morning when he wrote it.
To all of my Mommy friends!
Wishing you a happy Mother’s Day! I am always amazed at what you gals are able to accomplish. I sure as heck could never do it — and a lot of you give yourselves way too little credit. You put so much time, skill and patience into raising the little ones, all the while managing careers, studies, friends, finances, community commitments and (hopefully!) a little down time. You set a great example to your guy friends!! I hope your special day today was terrific!!
“Peasant Mother,” Fritz von Unde, 1894
Mother’s Day should be renamed.
After I was born, they should have called it Martyr’s Day.
I was a difficult child to raise, and I am quite grateful to my sainted mother for succeeding (and surviving) that Herculean task. You guys think I am weird guy now? Imagine me as a child and then a teenager.
A favorite childhood hobby, for example, was building weapons, including a quite functional crossbow, of which she wisely deprived me after we successfully tested it. Broom handles met the saw in the garage and were linked by chain to become nun-chucks. (I owed the 1980’s “Ninjamania” magazine for the inspiration here.)
I took up another favorite childhood hobby, after seeing “Raiders of the Lost Ark” in 1981. I donned a brown cowboy hat to dig holes in the backyard, explaining to anyone who would listen that I was an ARCHEOLOGIST, and that I was “on a dig.” Shawn Degnan, the kid next door and the greatest best friend ever, would help. When my poor mother made me stop, Shawn and I simply took to the woods and held our digs there. Because I was a child both stupid AND dedicated. The rare passerby through the woods would be curtly informed that we were ARCHEOLOGISTS looking for dinosaur bones. (Yes … Shawn and I were slightly confused about what an archeologist actually looks for.)
I took my first sip of beer when I was … around six or seven? David Darling and I swiped it from a less-than-vigilant uncle who got up from the front porch to go to the bathroom; we sat cross-legged in the front yard and took turns taking sips. I didn’t smoke when I was a child, but I … once ATE a piece of pipe tobacco, left behind by a dinner guest. It looked like chocolate, Dammit!
I fared poorly in grade school. I understood about as much mathematics then as I understand Attic Greek today. I was far more interested in the classroom in pondering questions arising from “Sgt. Rock” comic books. (Does he ever get to go home? Or change out of that ripped up shirt? Does he ever meet G.I. Joe, or was that guy fighting in the Pacific? Is his brother really dead? Will he survive the madness of World War II? And what about Bulldozer? Four Eyes? What about Little Sure Shot?! WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF LITTLE SURE SHOT!?!)
Math remained the bane of me, despite my mother’s best efforts. The poor woman eventually hired a tutor for me. But by then I was 14, and the patient blonde high school girl who came to our home was really, REALLY pretty. Her smile distracted me even more than Sergeant Rock did, and my math skills worsened. I might have needed “special help” in middle school for math, but I already knew who I intended to marry, so I figured I was a step ahead of the other kids.
At the age of 15, I disavowed the Roman Catholic Church (y’know … the kind of thing that goes over really well in a conservative, working class Irish Catholic family).
At the age of 17, I asked a science teacher (Mr. Ignolia, who hated me), if I could try to build a functional model of an atomic bomb for the required science project. (I was too dumb to realize either the political sensitivities here or the scarcity of the necessary plutonium.) After it was suggested I pursue a different project; I began to lose interest in science. i was thrown out of class a week later for NOT PAYING ATTENTION. (Ingo always was a Draconian jerk.) And, yes, my mother was called.
I was occasionally punished or grounded. Sometimes it left me bitter. In a ruse straight out of a goddam Batman comic book, I aspired to a villainy worthy of The Joker. Once or twice when I was 11 or 12, I sprinkled ammonia in her houseplants upstairs; they then had a 48-hour life expectancy, at best. She never guessed I was the culprit — I still remember the image of her in the upstairs bathroom, perplexedly examining an overhanging spider fern which had suddenly turned the color of breakfast toast. [Mom — if you are reading this right now … I’M SORRY!! I WAS A KID!!! There … is some sort of statute of limitations for this kind of thing, right??]
Anyway, the point of all of this is that my mother was faced with an extraordinary task. And I’d like to think that she succeeded. She kept me safe, housed and well fed, and then financed and supported a wonderful college education. I was raised with what I still think of as Irish American values … hard work, humility, independence, respect for others, patriotism, and a love for poetry and prose both.
I am the kind of man who tries to respect the elderly, our nation’s veterans, and an old fashioned work ethic, and who always has worn paperbacks lying around the floor. They are beside me now, as I write this. And, as I have gradually approached my own middle age, my mother has always been a true friend to me when I have felt the most alone.
Mom, thank you for these things. I love you.
Happy Mother’s Day.
A very short review of “Trespass” (2011).
I am blogging my past movie reviews from Facebook; this was my quick take on “Trespass.”
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“Trespass” (2011) isn’t a bad movie – it’s competently made. There’s good acting all around, especially from the incomparable Nicole Kidman.
It’s just too goddam sad and depressing at times (with little emotional payoff afterward) to be extremely enjoyable. The pacing also seems way off. There are several times you think the movie is over, and then more emotionally draining violence against unarmed victims ensues. That’s kinda not a good thing here. The film also suffers a little in comparison with the terrifying recent horror film, “The Strangers” (2008).
I’d give “Trespass” a 6 out of 10.
RUN, children!! RUN FROM THE HIDDEN RAINBOW-FACED GAY NINJA!!!
Even putting aside the obvious equality issues, you have to wonder about the mindset of those who try so hard to determine what is NOT a right.
Like people who like to examine the Constitution only to point out what is NOT explicitly included (such as the right of privacy, for example). What kind of instincts motivate them? They seem to painfully misunderstand the very purpose of the Bill of Rights. I’m paraphrasing the wonderful writer Peter David here — one of his columns excellently explained that the Constitution is meant to preserve and expand rights, and not to limit them.
Isn’t the Ninth Amendment supposed to confer all reasonably expected rights that are not included elsewhere in the document? It is there because the Founding Fathers knew that other fundamental rights, not explicitly spelled out in the Bill of Rights, could come under attack.
This ad is logically rickety, as well. Voting or publishing a newspaper are also “behaviors.” They are also rights, aren’t they? And … isn’t heterosexuality also a “behavior?”
Anyway, look at the half-concealed, squirrelly-looking man depicting a gay person. This is cheap, ugly, obvious propaganda targeting a harmless minority. This isn’t something we should expect to see in 21st century America.
It carries the stink of mid-twentieth century Berlin.
Can a zombie movie be an Oscar contender? (A review of “Maggie.”)
I’m not even sure how to describe what I just saw.
It was a zombie movie. It starred Arnold Schwarzenegger as a gentle, mild mannered father. There is virtually no action. It’s actually slow. We see precisely three zombies, by my count, and one of those appears only in quick flashbacks. Schwarzenegger doesn’t even raise his voice, much less raise hell. Where I come from, that’s what we call “ALL OF THE INGREDIENTS FOR A BAD MOVIE.”
But “Maggie” (2015) was simply FANTASTIC. It’s expertly made, and is like no other “zombie movie” I’ve ever seen before. I’d give it a 9 out of 10. It … actually isn’t really a horror movie, but rather a very, very dark family drama, cleverly housed inside a horror sub-genre. The movie is about terminal illness, and not monsters.
Schwarzenegger hands in a nuanced, understated but still quite touching performance. He was perfect — I never knew he had it in him. I KNOW he is the actor here; I recognize his face and read his name in the credits. But I still have a hard time believing that this is the same man that starred in “The Running Man” (1987). (Okay, cheap shot.) Abigail Breslin was also perfect as the afflicted daughter. And Bryce Romero was terrific in a supporting role. They’re great young actors; Hollywood seems to be producing more of them these days.
Wait … is that kid’s last name actually “Romero?” That’s SO meta.
The actor portraying Maggie’s primary care physician (is it Wayne Pere?) gave a great performance — he’s right on par with Schwarzenegger here.
And John Scott’s script is superb. I love the way he crafts characters against stereotype — we have doctors who are neither omnipotent saints nor detached jerks. The popular kids at school sweetly welcome their infected friends along on a night out, instead of ostracizing them. An overzealous Jerk Cop character wants to round up all the infected without prejudice and quarantine them right away. But, by the end of the movie, moral ambiguity suggests that he’s … probably right.
This movie falls just short of perfection with a few forgivable flaws:
1) Its plot setup is ridiculous. The government institutes quarantines for infected people, yet … politely allows people to return home for a few weeks until they are definitely dangerous? And they then return voluntarily to quarantine after a phone call, even after it becomes well known that the quarantines are hellish places to die? I’m … pretty sure no quarantine in history has ever worked like that. Consider the recent Ebola outbreak, and how the quite healthy and asymptomatic Doctors Without Borders’ volunteers were sequestered immediately. Maggie’s release to her home was quite obviously an overly convenient plot device.
2) Whoever performed the radio voiceover in the opening scene really dropped the ball. They needed a reshoot or a better actor.
3) I honestly think a lot of horror fans will be disappointed with this. Was it really necessary to include almost no action? I personally feel that “28 Days Later” (2002) was a moving, touching, richly thematic film. (It’s a favorite.) Yet it still served up some racing, screaming hordes of “infected” that were goddam terrifying. If “Maggie” had just one action set piece, it would have broader appeal. And it would break up the movie’s slow pace. A movie like this doesn’t have to be ABOUT exploding zombie heads, but … it wouldn’t hurt to include just one, just for fun.
4) By the end, it is possible that the film pushes the drama just a little too far, depending on your taste. By the time the “Mama’s garden” scene occurs toward the end, you might begin to wish the movie just reaches its conclusion.
Still, this is a great flick. See it. Tonight.
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 