The Internet is AWESOME for it.
You could also call this meme “Tickle Me Oppenheimer.”
If this makes you laugh, do treat yourself to the “Bert Is Evil” phenomenon of about ten years back.
Tag Archives: Eric Robert Nolan
This is from an actual debate I am having on Facebook RIGHT NOW.
[I had just admitted to a social conservative that I am indeed a narcissist. This is what happens when pseudo-intellectual New York poets argue with Southern Republicans.]
Some Guy: “Narcissistic dick. Yep …”
Me: “Narcissistic Dick!” Hey!! That has assonance!!! That would be an awesome name for a punk band!!!
Some Guy: “You know nothing of punk or bands. Just stop it.”
Me: “And YOU, Sir, know nothing of ASSONANCE.”
😀
THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS. *I* AM WHITE AND STRAIGHT!!!
And how can I CONTINUE being straight if two gay people get married on the other side of town?!?! (I can feel the wedding’s gay rainbow radiations converting me.)
How can I CONTINUE being white if non-whites are afforded basic Constitutional freedoms?!!? Like this liberal “due process” thingy and this “protection from unreasonable search and seizure” and this “not killing black people in the streets” constraint for the police!?! (It makes me less white … metaphorically. Or … something.)
And don’t lay that bullshit on me about a “false dichotomy” being a “logical fallacy!!” GO BACK TO YOUR LABORATORY, SCIENCE BOY.
My newest rhetorical device.
From now on, whenever I express any opinion on any matter, whether it’s ice cream or separation of church and state, I will append my statement with “JOIN ME OR DIE.”
As casually as possible.
It’s also a social experiment. I just want to see how people react.
Show some respect for my beliefs!! Stop making fun!!!
It’s only postponed because Sarah Connor fought the Terminators!!
Damn fine product.
Just as good as Peanut Butter Cup, but not quite as good as rival Haagen Dazs’ simple Chocolate.
Weird fact — there is nothing Scandinavian about Haagen Dazs; that’s just misleading marketing. The company was founded in the Bronx.
A tiny review of “The Strain” Season 2 Premiere.
“The Strain” hissed and clawed its way back into our hearts and veins on Sunday; the season 2 premiere of FX’s vampire series deserves an 8 out of 10.
It was great. It had everything that made the show unique and fun in Season 1. We’ve got frightening, truly disgusting vampires that don’t disappoint us by being “sexy” or “charming,” and we’ve got an ambitious script that takes a stab at depicting an expansive story, complete with a historical context and a decent modern apocalyptic conspiracy. We’ve got fantastic bad guys that chew the scenery, portrayed by top-shelf actors. And the scares are there! I actually jumped during one attack, and there’s a new subplot toward the end that might’ve been dreamed up by Satan himself. (Yeesh.)
Unfortunately, we do also appear to have the same irritating one-note stock characters as good guys. Their thin dialogue includes little indication that they’re affected by the horrific events around them. And the acting among our heroes is not great across the board. These guys might’ve been cooked up by a high school creative writing class.
Also … there’s an occasional plot contrivance here and there, but we’ll forgive those.
Still, fans will not be disappointed!
A short review of “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” (2012).
I actually really liked “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” (2012). I’d give it an 8 out of 10. And that’s even with my own admitted possible bias, as I am not a huge fan of traditional fantasy. I certainly can’t claim to be a fan of the original books, because [downcast eyes], I’ve never read them. I tried “The Silmarillion” once, because I thought that was supposed to come first in J.R.R. Tolkien’s chronology … and I just couldn’t stay with it. So I guess my take on this movie is that of an outsider, as it was with Peter Jackson’s “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy.
But this was enjoyable movie for anyone, I thought. It’s a total immersion into an incredibly beautifully rendered fantasy world. I thought the sets and backgrounds were more detailed than the first films, for example. It’s a gorgeous movie to look at. The acting is uniformly excellent throughout. And the continuity is just great; there are well crafted segues into subplots that will eventually lead to the original trilogy.
I think the only thing that hampered my enjoyment was that it felt so much like a children’s story. (I believe I read once that Tolkien actually began his novel as a bedtime story for his children, while his subsequent “Rings” epic was intended for adult, mainstream readers.)
Peter Jackson had his creative sensibilities planted firmly in childhood fairy tale when constructing this movie. For an outsider, this seems like a standard (and sometimes predictable) quest movie. We have a tremendous deus ex machina at the end that a child might not recognize, but this adult did.
The dialogue, monsters and action were often too cartoonish for me. As a fan of creature features, I found the monsters were often too silly to be credible. (I had this small quibble, as well, with the original film trilogy.) With the outstanding exceptions of the Warg and the White Orc, they often seemed like CGI-rendered cartoons. The three trolls who want to cook the dwarves, for example, were like something out of a silly Hanna-Barbera cartoon. If this film was supposed to engage adult viewers, this creative approach was a pretty big misfire.
But I recommend this, even to people who don’t typically enjoy sword-and-sorcery fantasies.
Seriously, though … that deus ex machina at the end … if such an option is available to our heroes, why not employ it from the start of the movie? Hell, why not employ it throughout the entire “Rings” trilogy?
“Fright Night 2” was an average night.
I submit that the direct-to-video “Fright Night 2” (2013) is the paragon of average horror movies. It is neither great nor terrible. You don’t immediately call your friends to recommend it, but you don’t bemoan its $1 rental price at Redbox either. I’d give it a 6 out of 10.
The movie suffers greatly from an insufferably irritating iteration of protagonist Charlie Brewster. He’s uncharismatic in every scene, including those showing his weaselly entreaties to the girlfriend who left him after he cheated on her. (He is played blandly by Will Payne; she is played rather well by Sacha Parkinson.) Entirely absent is the charm and likable innocence that Anton Yelchin brought to the role in 2011’s “Fright Night.” (Kyle Reese fought vampires in 2011, then aided John Connor in the future to fight terminators, evidently.)
The lackluster Charlie here is compensated for by a terrific villain. Jaime Murray is a fantastic female equivalent of Dracula. She’s a strong actress, she’s a quite tall brunette who looks the part, and she knows how to both sex it up and scare us. I love her as a bad guy (gal). I’d love to see her play a conspirator on one of the nerd community’s most anticipated upcoming revivals: “24” or “The X Files.” I’m told she has a role on that … medieval show that people watch. “Shame of Thrones?” “Dame of Thrones?” I’ve never seen an episode.
“Fright Night 2” benefits from Romania as a wonderful shooting location, and it’s captured nicely by the talented eye of director Eduardo Rodriguez. What is the deal with average or mediocre horror films being filmed on location in Romania? Is it just really cheap to shoot there, like Prague?
Anyway, this movie’s title is a misnomer. This movie isn’t a sequel to the terrific 2011 film. It is actually a remake — we again meet Charlie Brewster and Peter Vincent (the very cool Sean Power) for the first time. It’s confusing. I’m guessing that this was a rejected script for the 2011 film that they decided to shoot anyway?
And here is my requisite exposition to silence the pedants in advance — of course we are all aware that this is a “remake of a remake.” The 2011 film is a nice update of the 80’s classic. (And wasn’t that fun flick the talk of the neighborhood back in the day?)
Sooooo, seeing how average this film was, I really can’t recommend that you ether watch it or skip it. I guess I can just offer a neutral “hmm.” I’d suggest that it is acceptable fare if you’re an especially ardent vampire movie fan who has already viewed the classics that are easily available.
Reviews of my poetry
Hey, if you enjoyed my poem that was published by Dead Snakes yesterday, do remember that nearly all of my published work can be linked to from my website. [EDIT: Man, that preceding sentence was awkward!]
From time to time, I’m capable of writing more than dirty limericks, and I’ve been lucky enough to occasionally receive some positive attention from editors. Check out a few reviews right here:
Oh! The photo credit here should go to the classiest lady who ever graduated from Mary Washington College, Janet Walbroehl Winston. Depicted is the Mary Washington College Amphitheater.
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 