Keep kicking ass, Sweden.
It would be great if someone with expertise in international relations could explain to me at exactly what point in time Russia went INSANE.
Tag Archives: Eric Robert Nolan
A quick (and blasphemous) review of “Halloween II” (1981)
You see this poster for “Halloween II” (1981)? This is more entertaining than the actual movie. Haddonfield, IL is a pretty boring town, and the introduction of a serial killer doesn’t much change that.
My fellow horror fans might stone me for that kind of blasphemy. But one of my deep, dark secrets is that I’m often underwhelmed by classic horror films. This film picks up at the same moment of the same night as the original “Halloween” (1978) – which was itself, upon revisiting, thinly plotted and quite slow. Why not make them the same movie?
I’d give this film a 2 out of 10 for a creepy premise and one scary sequence involving a hot tub. I think that’s probably generous.
Clever Halloween decorations …
… from a house in my neighborhood. Each tombstone has a fresh plot of dirt beside it. 😀
My review of “Grave Encounters” (2011)
Damn it, “Grave Encounters” (2011) was very good horror movie for its first half. Sure, it was unoriginal, borrowing heavily from everything from “Paranormal Activity” to “[REC].” But it was still good – I’m the kind of guy that says that horror movies actually DON’T have to reinvent the wheel to scare us.
It had a decent setup and a great location – I don’t know what that old building was, but it was perfect. And for a while, it was a great “haunted house” story. I especially liked the first big scare, even if it’s something we’ve seen before, as well as the part where a chained door, once penetrated, shows us something unexpected. I was genuinely spooked.
Then it just disintegrated towards the end. The “scares” were so cartoonish and over the top that any suspension of disbelief was lost. This seemed more like an especially ambitious “haunted house” Halloween attraction, and less like a professionally made film.
I can only give this a 5 out of 10 after it fell apart the way it did. Oh, well. You’ve got to give the filmmakers an “E” for effort.
Question – does Hollywood hate documentary filmmakers? It seems every time I see a movie like this – like “The Blair Witch Project,” or “Diary of the Dead,” – the person in charge is a cheesy, melodramatic, self-absorbed quasi-intellectual who puts everyone else at risk. Why is that?
My review of “Gardens of the Night” (2008)
“Gardens of the Night” (2008) is a generally well made film, but it’s damned hard to review. We can’t … enjoy the movie, because it isn’t meant to entertain. It’s a detailed docudrama that shows the abduction and forced prostitution of an eight-year-old girl, then the permanent destruction of her life in her teen years.
It’s gut-wrenching. The first half of the movie plays almost like a twisted procedural in which a child pornographer and slaver (brilliantly and unexpectedly portrayed by Tom Arnold) tricks and kidnaps young Leslie (Ryan Simpkins).
We’re shown the nuts and bolts of everything – starting with how Arnold’s character earns her trust (“Can you help me find my dog?”, “I’m a friend of your father’s.”) And Arnold is so convincing in the role, it’s easy to see how lines like this can fool a child. We see how she’s drugged, imprisoned, and persuaded that her parents don’t want her anymore, then how she’s coaxed and reassured into prostitution to pedophiles. There were a few times when I wanted to shout at the screen – such as when Arnold’s character actually coaches the prepubescent girl about what customers expect. Then we’re even shown how children are marketed and sold – with catalogs and photos and polite, secret business meetings. Jeremy Sisto and Harold Perrineau show up in effective supporting roles that will turn your stomach.
Then – midway through the film, we fast-forward to Leslie’s life as a teenager, where she is now somehow free of Arnold and his even more evil partner (well played by Kevin Zegers, who I remember best as the sweetnatured, clean-cut kid in Zack Snyder’s 2004 “Dawn of the Dead” remake).
Again – it’s hard to know whether to recommend this movie. To call it sad would be an understatement. It IS a pretty well made film – the acting is great all around, and especially from Arnold. And Imdb.com says that that writer/director Damian Harris developed it after years of research among child victims.
It has some problems, though. For a drama about a victim, its central character just isn’t well rendered or extremely likable. It’s awkwardly structured. Unless I’m mistaken, we never find out how Leslie escapes her captors.
The movie is also poorly paced, I think … it drags a bit around the middle and the anticlimactic ending feels like a postscript. Finally, it seems to make little use of John Malkovich’s genius in a supporting role. (That guy is goddam mesmerizing – like Anthony Hopkins, he could read names out of a telephone book and make it interesting.)
Quite honestly, if this movie is as accurate as it claims (and there’s no reason to think it wouldn’t be), it would make a great educational tool. No child should watch it, but it’s so explicit and procedural in nature that it seems like a great resource for training police officers or parents.
If you watch this, I strongly recommend watching “Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey” or “Old School” afterward – y’know … just so you don’t kill yourself.
Microfiction Monday Magazine features my latest flash fiction.
Microfiction Monday Magazine today featured my 100-word horror story, “I bring her diamonds. My hands are full of them.”
I just wanted to thank Editor Gayle Towell, who herself is a wonderful writer. Ms. Towell was a pleasure to work with, and really helped me to improve the initial draft I submitted, particularly with concern to point-of-view and narrative voice.
Enjoy!
My review of “Friday the 13th: Part 2” (1981)
It’s my considered opinion that a lot of classic horror movies simply do not stand the test of time. “Friday the 13th: Part 2” (1981) wasn’t great, but it was okay. I’d give it a 6 out of 10.
A psychopath kills teens one by one in a remote setting. Don’t most modern videogames have more of a story than that? Sure, there’s an effective urban legend-style motive – he witnessed his mother’s beheading in the original film, and has since lived ferally in the woods. But does that make sense? If Jason was alive, why did his mother seek revenge for his drowning? Was she unaware he was there?
Still, this movie deserves some credit. It makes an honest effort to build distinct characters and tension. It doesn’t exactly work. These people don’t act like any teenagers I’ve ever known, even if I was a nerd in high school.
There are a few nice “jump moments,” especially when one character sits up in bed. But the director used way too many close-ups and slow-mo.
I’m left with a couple of questions. In the later movies, Jason is basically an undead Superman. He can’t even be hurt. He’s a zombie kryptonian. Here, he appears quite human. Did they make changes to the character in the later films?
Also, the goofy redheaded guy stays out drinking all night and never returns to the camp, sparing him from the carnage. Why? What purpose did this character serve in the story? Did the screenwriter just forget about him? Or is this a moral? If you party all night, will you live longer?
All in all, this was strictly an average film.
Microfiction Monday Magazine to feature more of my flash fiction tomorrow!
I got some very nice news myself today from Editor Gayle Towell at Microfiction Monday Magazine — they will be publishing another piece of my flash fiction in tomorrow’s edition. Its title is “I bring her diamonds. My hands are full of them.”
MMM’s challenge to writers this October was to tell a horror story in 100 words or less. This is the second entry of mine to be selected; MMM featured “Girl’s Best Friend” last week.
When my second piece appears tomorrow, I’ll be sure to post a link!
A quick review of “Family Guy: It’s A Trap!”
I’m blogging some of my earlier reviews from Facebook:
*****
“Family Guy: It’s a Trap” (2010) is funny as hell and lampoons “Return of the Jedi” (1983) perfectly; I’d give it a 9 out of 10. This is right up there with a decent episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 in terms of how much it made me laugh. As with the other “Family Guy” satires of “Star Wars,” I was also impressed with how it used conventional animation and CGI to seemingly reproduce scenes shot for shot.
The only thing the detracted from this was the consistent potty humor (not really my thing) and one apparent joke that is too tasteless even to describe.
“Girl’s Best Friend” appears at Microfiction Monday Magazine!
My flash fiction horror story, “Girl’s Best Friend,” appeared today at Microfiction Monday Magazine!
The challenge was to write a horror story in 100 words or less. I had great fun with this, and I am grateful to Editor Gayle Towell for allowing my work to appear in this really cool online magazine!
Check it out here:
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 