… and I’m just over here thankful that the goddam “Clippy” nightmare is over.
I don’t know who finally went Sarah Connor on his ass, but I’m eternally grateful.
Tag Archives: humor
Getting back to my roots.
If you’ve ever played with G. I. Joes outside as a kid, then, every once in a while, you’ll still notice an “environment” in which it would be cool to set them up. This, for example, looks to me like a nicely defensible position.
“Coca-Cola came to town.”
Coca-Cola came to town.
Pepsi-Cola shot him down.
Dr Pepper fixed him up.
Now they all drink 7-Up.
— I remember this childhood rhyme from standing at the bus stop in the early 1980’s. (I was pretty amused when Mikey Wagner rattled it off one cold morning.) There are a number of variations to it, including one that is apparently unique to Britain.
I usually avoid soda entirely — my dentist had a couple of things to say about how bad it is for the teeth. (It’s not the sugar; it’s the drink’s acidic effects on enamel.) But tonight I indulged in a Dr Pepper anyway. Hey, it’s my favorite, and Roanoke is the Dr Pepper Capital of the world.
Oh, by the way, I only learned tonight from the article linked above that the beverage is correctly spelled “Dr Pepper,” with the period left off of the “Dr” part of the name. Weird world.
I swear to you, every time I get my hair cut, it gets grayer.
It’s like the scissors are cursed or something. (Hey, that’s the start of a horror story — one of you get on that. I’ve got enough works-in-progress as it is.)
The solution is obvious — I need to never gat a haircut again. Maybe I’ll develop super-strength, like Samson. After a lifetime of trying in vain to develop superpowers, I figure the universe owes me.
Throwback Thursday: a story that’s cheesy but true.
When I was sixteen years old and working at McDonald’s, we would throw cheese at the break room ceiling like this. We tried other foods too (we had high hopes for the pickles), but I think cheese was the only reliable standby. Good times.
Actually … I might have been younger when I worked there. I would have been able to drive back and forth with a driver’s permit at sixteen, if memory serves? And McDonald’s had a van that picked up the younger employees who couldn’t drive.
Gonna go to the mall tonight.
Gonna stop by American Eagle Outfitters.
(I really just want to see how they get those damn birds into the outfits.)
(Who are you, by the way? And when do I get my shoulder-cannon?)
So do our eyes just get progressively worse as we get older? Does the world just get blurrier and blurrier until it becomes only shapes and colors, like a lame-ass version of Predator-vision?
[clicks feebly in Yautja]
(And miles to go before I sleep.)
Got my first rejection letter from a publication in China.
Hey — it’s a “trying milestone.” I failed, but I tried something new for the first time.
Like when submitted to The New Yorker or to The Irish Times.
Throwback Thursday: The Thompson Twins’ “Hold Me Now” (1984)!
Play this song with your eyes closed, and it transports you right back to the 80’s. Hey, it’s a lot easier than what they did in “Avengers: Endgame” (2019).
(I might be a one-percenter.)
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 