I am a cutting edge journalist. Okay, I WAS a cutting edge journalist.
Sigh … okay. I was that weird New Yorker guy who somehow landed a job at a daily newspaper at a small Virginia town. Because God has a sense of humor, and also apparently wants the Civil War to start again.
Police beat?! Seriously? Who thought it was a good idea to put ME in a room full of cops and ask me to advocate for the truth?
My nickname around the newsroom was “Butch,” and I was thrilled at how tough that sounded, because my 22-year-old mind had not wrapped itself around the concept of “irony” just yet.
Anyway, the point I am working up to is this — as my old colleagues at the Culpeper Star-Exponent will hopefully attest, from time to time I actually did get it right. And today, because I have my figurative skinny white nerd finger ON THE PULSE OF THE ENTIRE INTERNET, I broke a big story.
I am talking about The Unexpected Upload Crisis — strangers uploading yearbook pictures to the Internet, so that a simple Google Image Search show YOU, in all your gangly glory, as you were 20 years ago. Don’t tell me this isn’t hot story, because that blog post got a record number of hits. And I’m also tired of you people tearing down my various elaborately constructed delusional frameworks. (I’m looking at everyone on Facebook who tells me that I will never date Elizabeth Mitchell.)
So here’s the update (and the “human interest” angle we are pursuing with this story is Mary Washington College graduate Len Ornstein, now a schoolteacher in Arizona). Len’s students have somewhat hilariously found his idealistic young face online, because the 1994 MWC yearbook has made it into cyberspace, and they’ve made a bona fide avocation out of teasing him. Pictured below are copies of his yearbook photo, lovingly copied and pasted everywhere around his classroom as a surprise one morning. They even managed to hang it from the ceiling — I thought that was a nice touch.
If you are an alumnus of the Class of 1994, you know that there are far funnier aspects of Len’s college experience than is evidenced by his smiling countenance. I am referring to a certain Junior Ring Week prank that was perpetrated upon him … I have no doubt that his students would find the tale entertaining.
But you know what? I’ll stop there. If Len’s kids are in the habit of Googling him, then they just might turn up this blog post, and I figured I would spare him the ignominy.
Besides, nobody’s made me an offer yet.