Nerd Nolan — Fighting for YOU in the War on Christmas!

I went out tonight to get a haircut and a flu shot, and I almost came back with a disco ball and a giant ceramic grizzly bear head.  Because I’m that kind of guy.

And because those things were CHEAP.  I finally found something I’d been missing since I moved away from Queens so many years ago — a cool ethnic neighborhood.  Virginia does have them!  And they’re just full of really cool, friendly people; Mom-and-Pop businesses; and discount stores.

The discount stores are occasionally confusing to navigate —  I found  socks, wristwatches, Mary statuettes and cereal, for example all displayed neatly side by side.  But everything costs so LITTLE.  I swear that there was a man-size metal Christmas tree for $10.

My haircut was inexpensive too.  I flirted with the Spanish woman who rang me up, employing what little Spanish I have a handle on.  It totally fell flat.  When I lived in Queens the Spanish girls down the street at the deli would break into peals of laughter whenever I said, “Estoy en fuego por tu.”  I’ll try that line next time.

I also saw one of those “Chicken Pollo” restaurant signs across the highway from the haircut place.  But I though it said “Chicken Polio,” because I left my glasses at home, and I ate at Wendy’s, which had a sign that I could read.

Anyway, check out the Christmas tree and Christmas mug I bought below!  They are my first Christmas decorations of the year.  Although … maybe the tree actually DOES lend credence to the perceived “War on Christmas,” because, seriously, the price tag only says, “TREE, metal layered.”  And … it’s red.  (I’ve lost track of whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing.)  I should write an angry letter to the people in China who made it.

I still want that ceramic grizzly bear head.

Can a single guy still shop at “Family Dollar?”

Honestly?  This entire post is kinda sad on number of levels.





10 thoughts on “Nerd Nolan — Fighting for YOU in the War on Christmas!”

  1. This was the first year in over a decade that I put a tree (albeit a very teeny one). I just haven’t had the time to decorate the way I used to (I really love this time of year). It used to be nice when I had the day after Thanksgiving off cause then I could have a whole day to devote to decorating, and I did. Oh well. I guess a little teeny tree is better than nothing. 🙂


  2. Okay so this post is not pathetic. It’s a detailed description of all the things you noticed. Noticing things is what makes you a good writer.

    And, lastly: bad self-talk makes the Baby Jesus cry. So don’t do that.

    Liked by 1 person

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