All posts by Eric Robert Nolan

Eric Robert Nolan graduated from Mary Washington College in 1994 with a Bachelor of Science in Psychology. He spent several years a news reporter and editorial writer for the Culpeper Star Exponent in Culpeper, Virginia. His work has also appeared on the front pages of numerous newspapers in Virginia, including The Free Lance – Star and The Daily Progress. Eric entered the field of philanthropy in 1996, as a grant writer for nonprofit healthcare organizations. Eric’s poetry has been featured by Dead Beats Literary Blog, Dagda Publishing, The International War Veterans’ Poetry Archive, and elsewhere. His poetry will also be published by Illumen Magazine in its Spring 2014 issue.

A quick review of “The Possession” (2012)

Now THIS was a decent horror movie.  “The Possession” (2012) was a well-directed and capably written yarn about a demon afflicting a divorced family via a cursed box.  It had great acting all around, most notably by the possessed innocent (Natasha Calis) and especially her well meaning father (the talented and likable Jeffrey Dean Morgan).  I’d give it an 8 out of 10.

My quibbles were minor.  This is essentially a Jewish retread of “The Exorcist” (1973), with the Catholic clergyman and demon swapped out for a rabbi and a “dybbuk” (sp?).  If you’ve seen “The Exorcist,” you’ve basically seen this.  There is some CGI-rendered body horror that seemed gimmicky and unneeded.  And I hate movies where divorced families are magically reunited after facing a challenge together.  (Does this ever happen in real life?)

Still, this was a scary flick and a fun watch.  I’d recommend it.

11168615_800

5216_ff79

I shaved the beard.  But now I just really, really need a haircut.  I look like goddam Whitesnake.

A quick pan of “Piranha 3DD” (2012).

I could only sit through an hour of Piranha 3DD (2012), despite a sheer cornucopia of bosoms. THAT’S HOW BAD A MOVIE THIS IS.

I’d give it a 0 out of 10, and I actually liked its predecessor, which I thought was a fun B-movie and an homage to 1970’s gimmick monster movies. This … this was just a failed horror movie, in which the filmmakers tried to compensate with a couple of hundred half nude 20-somethings. FAIL.

The movie’s most redeeming quality (in the first hour that I watched) is the presence of David Hasselhoff. He seems to be a genuinely funny guy who is down-to-earth enough to poke fun of himself a little. I think that’s pretty cool. And, yes, per his query in the movie, there actually ARE some people who remember “Knight Rider.”

piranha-3dd-dvd-cover-90

Am I nuts, or does it look like she’s riding a Jello Pudding Pop?

Maybe the new Star Wars will feature a race of Bill Cosby aliens from the planet Zippity-Pop-Bop.

Also, her name is “Daisy?”  Why would someone from a galaxy far, far away be named after an earth flower?

star-wars-the-force-awakens-teaser-trailer-daisy-ridley-ship

A couple of comments on “Paranormal Activity 4” (2012)

Blogging some of my past movie reviews from Facebook.  —–

Sigh. It’s true what they’re saying about “Paranormal Activity 4” (2012). It’s just no good.

It’s a lackluster story devoid of any pacing or tension. I’d give it a 2 out of 10 for one or two scary moments, but that’s it. And I loved the first trilogy. Also, if we simply film Katie Featherston standing still or walking slowly, that’s not scary. It’s adorable, but not scary.

Questions: 1) Why on earth would the family leave their “Wii Kinect” on all the time?

2) Wouldn’t even teenagers see the moral quandary of filming the entire family without their knowledge? What if their parents had sex in the living room or something?

3) What the hell is the bad guys’ master plan? It’s been four feature films already, and I just don’t see them accomplishing much. Seriously, endgame, please.

4) What’s the deal with a boyfriend violently yanking his girlfriend off her bed by her feet? That’s … funny to a teenager?

5) If a ghost is invisible, that means it doesn’t reflect light … except from a Wii Kinect?

6) Is it “Kinect” or “Connect?” Do I think too much about these things?

Paranormal-Activity-4-Theatrical-Poster

And this song is dedicated to the Mary Washington College kids of the mid-1990’s —

— Depeche Mode’s “Stripped,”  to take the sting out of the news of Seacobeck’s impending loss.  Hell, whenever the Seaco-posse got together for one of those parties in New Hall (it was a regular occurrence), we played Depeche Mode like it was going out of style.

Actually … maybe it was going out of style.  I’m pretty sure that Mode’s popularity was never quite what it was when I was an undergraduate.

Oh, well.  Enjoy the song, get to sleep (we’re old now), and dream of bug juice and Rose Room cheeseburgers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wus0Xq6Hv-I&index=417&list=FLEjGv3WZw134CN_yJVg3_Hg

Goodbye, Seacobeck Dining Hall.

Mary Washington College (I and other 90’s kids refuse to refer to it by its longer moniker) will close Seacobeck Dining Hall this Spring.  Thanks to vigilant alum Len Ornstein for passing along this article from Fredericksburg.com:

http://m.fredericksburg.com/business/umw-opening-dining-hall-to-public-before-closure/article_50306ad8-c07c-5e5a-a184-179af51fc781.html?mode=jqm

The college will actually open the dining hall to the public several times before closing its doors for the last time; see the article for details.

I can’t imagine Mary Washington without Seacobeck.  I worked a work-study program there for all four years; it was as much a part of my college experience as any academic building.  My memories of it are vivid and many.  Seacobeck IS Mary Washington.

Sigh.

A quick review of “The Strain” Season 1

“The Strain” is a mostly successful attempt at serialized horror, adapted from the vampire novel of the same name by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan.  It’s a smart, fun, dark genre-buster combining a conspiracy thriller, an action adventure, a plague thriller and good old fashioned gross-out monster mayhem — there are even dashes of historical fiction via flashback.

It’s an ambitious story even for the original novel, covering vampirism as a viral epidemic that sweeps New York City.  The putative heroes are two CDC investigators — though viewer loyalties will shift from these stock characters to the cooler and more interesting supporting characters — the tragic old curio shop owner; the quirky, gigantic exterminator; the local petty criminal; and the penitent computer hacker.  The little boy is such a one-note character that he might as well be a prop.

The exterminator, Vasily Fet, is played beautifully by sci-fi fan favorite Kevin Durand. (I can’t help but wonder if the character’s last name is a “Star Wars” reference.)  He’s a good actor, and his size and voice make him damn interesting as either a hero or a villain.  (See “Lost.”)  David Bradley, the curio shop owner around whom much of the plot revolves, does a great job, especially considering how cheesy the dialogue given to him sounds.

But by far and away, actor Richard Sammel steals the show.  He is simply a fantastic bad guy — creepy, unsettling, frightening, hateful, insinuating and mysterious.  This show has a great villain, and I liked rooting against Sammel’s creep far better that I liked rooting against the somewhat cartoonish “Master.”

For much of the time, the combination of the above story elements works out well.  “The Strain” can be surprisingly creepy for a network show.  The creepy-crawlies look great, even if they are reminiscent of “the reapers” of “Blade II” (2002), also directed by del Toro.  (Wouldn’t it be great if there were a shared universe?)  I’ve always thought that one of the scariest aspects of the vampire mythos was that loved ones can become enemies — the series wisely capitalizes on this more than once.  And the entire conspiracy plotline actually is pretty unsettling, as it’s scripted convincingly and with some thought behind it.

Regrettably, all of these good things can’t sustain the scares and tension over the course of a full season of television. Once they are faced and defeated more than once, the vampires do lose a bit of their punch.  The flashbacks to Europe (trying to keep this spoiler-free) grow tiresome and predictable, no matter how cool and original the idea started off.  And compounding this is a great lack of tension supplied by the actors and screenwriters.  Everyone is way too relaxed.  It is probably the end of the world, via vampire apocalypse, and these chipper folks often seem like they’re kids meeting to work on an afterschool project.  This isn’t helped much by a final action set piece that is directed so awkwardly it’s embarrassing.

Still, “The Strain” really is worth a look, at least if only to see if it’s your cup of tea.  I actually do recommend it.

A  little trivia — several episodes were directed by none other than RoboCop himself, Peter Weller.

The_Strain_promotional_poster

They’re calling it “Ship[REC].”

I can’t claim credit for that one — it’s from the Hollywood Reporter; see the link below.

It makes me sad, but I couldn’t even finish “[REC] 4: Apocalypse.”  It just couldn’t hold my attention.

Spain’s first two “[REC]” films were amazing, the third was quirky enough and campy enough to show at a party.

The latest installment is mostly forgettable.  (And forget the spectacle of entry three — this is a low-budget outing that takes place on a boat.)

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/review/rec-4-apocalypse-toronto-review-730163

REC4