“Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.”
— Pope John XXIII

Photo credit: Pivari [CC BY-SA 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D
“Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.”
— Pope John XXIII

Photo credit: Pivari [CC BY-SA 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D
Until last night, I’d never actually seen 1988’s “Pumpkinhead” — even though I occasionally joked online about its inspired, iconic titular monster. I was predictably pleased by the movie’s creature effects, but even more disappointed than I thought I’d be by the film’s overall quality. I’d rate the film a 7 out of 10, based on my own enjoyment of it — but I’m a horror fan who loves monsters and who’s typically forgiving of 80’s cheese. If you haven’t seen “Pumpkinhead,” I suspect you’ll finds its flaws a little more egregious than I did.
The film’s strengths are its fantastic monster, designed by legendary visual effects master Stan Winston, and its interesting story concept. It’s easy to see why the sneering, towering golem here inspired a cult fanbase — complete with sequels, videogames and comic books. (Yes, horror movie pedants, I realize that Pumpkinhead is technically a demon-infused and magically mutilated corpse, and not a golem. Whatever.)
This is Winston’s first turn as a director, too … and it seems to me that his genius apparently didn’t quite extend to this larger role. “Pumpkinhead” feels cobbled together, even by 80’s-movie standards, with poor writing, acting and editing throughout. The presence of Lance Henriksen improves matters somewhat, as does an adolescent Brian Bremer in the role of “Bunt.”. (Bremer looks to be about 13 or 14 years old, but he easily outshines his adult co-stars. His surprisingly relaxed performance might be the equal of Henriksen’s. The latter is usually as good as we expect, but even he actually flubs a line here and there. He’s a long way from his brilliant turn as the “Bishop” android in the classic “Aliens” two years prior.)
All things considered, I’m not sure I would actually recommend “Pumpkinhead.”

“Lateral Buoy 47 of the Jade Shipping Channel, with sailing ships Morgenster, Loth Loriën and Thalassa in the background.”

Photo credit: Ein Dahmer [CC BY-SA 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)%5D
Still no word back yet from Justin Trudeau about my letter last week suggesting that Canada purchase Greenland. I thought that my proposal was a pretty good one, and I’m proceeding here with complete confidence that the deal will go through and that Trudeau will throw that Greenland beach party to troll Donald Trump.
I’m sure he’ll invite me, too. That’s why I broke out my beach party Hawaiian shirt, which looks not at all incongruous on me in the picture below.
Hey, if the whole thing doesn’t work out, I can at least finally move forward with my long-planned “Magnum, P.I.” reenactment troupe. (No, of course I am not sexy or cool enough to be Magnum; I hold no such illusions. But I’d like to think I approach being a passable Rick.)
So we’ll only need a Thomas Magnum and a T.C. to step up. (Sorry, Higgins hopefuls, but there is a certain friend of mine from college who was born for that role.)

I am unaware of the cover artist, the year, or even the publisher for this edition. Hale’s novel was originally published in 1863.

I’m honored today to see my poem “hens staring upward” featured by The Piker Press!
You can find it right here: “hens staring upward”
Thank you, Editor Sand Pilarski, for allowing me to share my voice!
Vertigo.

Guys, if you are looking for a cool, fun, horror-themed gift, then do check out Scared Soapless.
I ordered some novelty soaps as a funny housewarming present for a friend of mine and her two kids, and they were a real hit. The kids were thrilled with the “Brainy” soaps and the “Wyvern the Wash” dragon heads, and she loved her “Midnight, the Stars and Shea” soaps.
Scared Soapless offers a ton of fun ideas for creative, offbeat gifts that are also inexpensive. And the craftsmanship behind some of these items is truly impressive. (I have my eye on “The Master” and the “Grimm” soaps for the next time I order.)
And the secret ingredient is … genuine horror. The company belongs to my friend Wednesday Lee Friday, who writes some pretty terrifying horror novels. You can’t get much more authentic than that.




Dammit.
If you look closely, you can see that I spilled both the coffee and the milk.
[Update: I just sat down and tried to eat cereal with a fork, and now I’m looking for someone to blame.]
