And how can I CONTINUE being straight if two gay people get married on the other side of town?!?! (I can feel the wedding’s gay rainbow radiations converting me.)

How can I CONTINUE being white if non-whites are afforded basic Constitutional freedoms?!!?  Like this liberal “due process” thingy and this “protection from unreasonable search and seizure” and this “not killing black people in the streets” constraint for the police!?!  (It makes me less white … metaphorically. Or … something.)

And don’t lay that bullshit on me about a “false dichotomy” being a “logical fallacy!!” GO BACK TO YOUR LABORATORY, SCIENCE BOY.