Tag Archives: 2017

A very short review of “Don’t Hang Up” (2017)

“Don’t Hang Up” (2017) is an absolutely derivative horror movie that nevertheless manages to be halfway decent.  I’d rate it a 7 out of 10.

We follow a handful of older teenage boys whose favorite avocation is perpetrating cruel prank phone calls and then posting them on the Internet.  The horror genre’s penchant for vengeance should make their comeuppance predictable.  “Don’t Hang Up” seems to borrow in equal (large) measure from the “Saw” and “Scream” film franchises, with touches of “Unfriended” (2014) and even “Silence of the Lambs” (1991).

Still, this was a halfway serviceable scary movie.  There were nice moments of tension, and it held my interest.

This doesn’t belong on anyone’s must-see list, but it’s a fun enough time-waster if you can’t find a better movie.

 

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A very short review of “Rings” (2017)

“Rings” (2017) actually begins with great promise — it looks like the rare horror “threequel” that could live up to its two predecessors.  (And the early millennium’s “Ring” films were indeed good movies.)  It starts with a truly fascinating story device that I won’t spoil here, except to say that it’s macabre and thoughtful and involves an intrepid college professor (Johnny Galecki).

Inexplicably, the movie abandons this unsettling stroke of genius about 20 minutes in, and instead falls back on a by-the-numbers plot that too closely parallels the first films. What follows is pretty average stuff.  Instead of the lovely and talented Naomi Watts, who was the capable heroine of the first films, we get two flat, college-aged protagonists portrayed by two mostly flat young actors.  (Alex Roe is particularly bad.)  Not even the arrival of the great Vincent D’Onofrio in a supporting role can redeem “Rings” past the direct-to-video level of quality.

Oh, well.  This still wasn’t the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen, and it did have some creepy parts.  (I thought the movie’s closing moments were pretty effective.)  I’d call “Rings” an average outing and rate it a 6 out of 10.

Postscript: D’Onofrio has a damned cool voice.  I’m serious.

 

A few quick words on “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter” (2017)

If you can look past the silliness, there is some fun to be had with “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter” (2017).  Critics everywhere are skewering it, but I think it’s a fun throwaway monster movie.  I’d give it a 7 out of 10, while cautioning you that I’m biased because the franchise has always been a fond, guilty pleasure of mine.

The monsters are cool enough, and Milla Jovovich alone sustained my interest with her screen presence.  (No, she isn’t the greatest actress ever, but she’s a strong, suitably intense leading lady for an action film.)

I was also surprised at how this movie attempted to bring closure to the entire series.  The story structure for the “Resident Evil” films strayed into the barely comprehensible several sequels ago, but this final installment did its best to bring the convoluted mythology full circle.  Surprisingly enough, it worked … I myself might have tweaked the final few minutes, but it was satisfying finale.

 

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Mountains near Natural Bridge, Virginia, New Year’s Day 2017

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