I’d hate to think of what he hides for the children to find.
As I’ve said before, I’d love to get a picture for you guys, but these guys really stick to the shadows — like stinky ninjas.
They’re definitely a bit LARGER than you might expect — or at least they are around my neighborhood’s woods.
I told my best friend yesterday that there was a boa constrictor loose in my house and she TOTALLY BOUGHT IT. So did her kids.
And last year I had her convinced that a family of raccoons had moved into my closet.
I am the April Fool’s joke MASTER; I should be a supervillain named “April Fool.”
Her, after the reveal: “At this point, I hope you get eaten.”
I habitually break my reading glasses by either stepping or sitting on them. So I stocked up on a bunch of cheap pairs at the start of the Covid pandemic, because I am totally not down with any of that “Time Enough At Last” horseshit.
I even fell into the habit of tossing the broken pairs into the same drawer, in hoarder-like fashion. (Am I supposed to repair them someday, maybe? Glasses repair is not really a thing with me.)
Anyway, that drawer has reached the point where I look like a serial killer who bludgeons nerdy, frugal, fashion-blind men over the head and then takes their glasses as trophies — like some pathetic riff on the alien “Predator” (1987).
I need to leave a note in that drawer to exonerate myself to the police — in case I die in my sleep or something.
I’ll be honest with you — the first shot of the Pfizer vaccine left me feeling tired for about three days. I had low energy and was feeling genuinely sleepy. Yesterday (the fourth day out) was the first day I’ve consistently felt back to normal.
What’s weird is that the fatigue absolutely didn’t set in right away — it took maybe a full 24 hours following the shot Wednesday for me to really feel it. I suppose I should have intuited that most side effects aren’t instantaneous.
Don’t get me wrong, though — I am thrilled that I got the shot, and grateful for the degree of protection that it affords me. A couple of unproductive days are far better than suffering through the worst of a potentially fatal respiratory disease.
No, nobody puts a chip in you along with the Covid vaccine — but there’s a side effect where you start to look and sound like Chip Douglas!
Actually … forget it, false alarm. I just remembered that already look and sound like Chip Douglas.
HEY, UNCLE CHARLEY.
Seriously, the side effects from my first dose of the Pfizer vaccine yesterday have been minor. My arm is still sore, and I felt BLECH with fatigue last night — but I woke up this morning back to my usual nerdy self.
I was incredibly impressed with Virginia’s Covid-19 vaccination program. The Virginia Department of Health’s sign-up process was easy enough, the VDH FAQ page covered everything, and the Carilion Vaccine Clinic staff at the Berglund Center off Williamson Road in Roanoke were speedy, pleasant and courteous — even by Southern standards. (I got in and out in no time at all.)
Everyone involved did a truly admirable job. Way to go, VA.
He just seems so goddamn earnest — like your 11-year-old kid trying out for the team.
And he at least looks better in that uniform than I would. (Nolan’s got a spare tire.)
My friend Daniel Heintz: “Boy, what changes will happen in a year.”
Me: “Yep. Heintz’ sight is 20/20.”
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 