What strange powers God has conferred upon all you people. I can only hope that you will use them for good.
Sometimes I can write well. But, holy shit, the lord does not give with both hands.
Tag Archives: humor
Kurse you, Kroger!
This is the face I make when the supermarket is out of liverwurst. Oh, the humanity.
(Alas, I am Eric. And my brilliance is strictly pun-based.)
If my name was Brad, I would totally learn to make cakes and things.
Because then I could open a bakery and call it “Baking Brad.”
This post has mad “Pontypool” energy and I’m totally here for it.
IYKYK.
“I met a kitten with whom I was smitten.”
I met a kitten
with whom I was smitten.
I laid frosted wheat
in front of her feet.
It was all that I had!
(My diet is sad.)
But she ran away
this sorrowful day.
Alright, look — I know that dry cereal is an idiotic treat with which to befriend a cat. But off-brand Frosted Shredded Mini-Wheat really was all I was carrying, besides a couple of Kit-Kat bars. (I am a poet, not a nutritionist, and I’d only needed those two things when I was out.)
I’ve never been 100 percent clear about whether it was a myth or not that chocolate was dangerous to animals (brand name notwithstanding). So of course I kept the candy in the bag.
Liverwurst is evidence of a loving god.
Liverwurst. With thinly sliced tomato on top. (Okay, I can’t slice tomatoes to save my life.) Or a smattering of onions. That’s even better, in fact.
No, this is not disgusting — it is DIVINE. You just can’t appreciate that because you’re a Philistine.
You say to-MAY-to and I say to-MAH-to and all that.
I’m a Fred I have another bad pun for you.
So here’s the plan — I’m gonna move back to my college town of Fredericksburg, Virginia, and start a poetry group there.
Gonna call it “Fred Poets Society.”
(I already e-mailed my old writing prof and told him he had to be our Mr. Keating.)
Life of Pie.
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 