I’m honored today to see Winedrunk Sidewalk: Shipwrecked in Trumpland publish five of my Donald Trump limericks! You can find them right here.
Thanks to Editor John Grochalski for allowing me to join the fun once again over at Winedrunk Sidewalk!
Tag Archives: humor
Fun Social Media Game — What is Your Pandemic IQ?
1) Take the number of days you’ve quarantined.
2) Add the number of times you’ve washed your hands today.
3) Divide by Covid-19.
4) Multiply by the number of typos you found in Donald Trump’s last tweet.
5) Subtract by the number of times you tried to scratch your nose through your mask today, because you are an IMBECILE.
6) Multiply by Steely Dan’s “Hey 19.”
7) Add 1984.
8) How do I love thee? (Count the ways and then add them.)
9) Divide and conquer.
10) Goto Line 10.
11) Add a hominem.
12) Explain the steps you took, it in the voice of a muppet vampire who LOVES TO COUNT.
13) Integers. Or something.
14) Cube 2: Hypercube.
15) Subtract Matchbox 20.
16) Snap your fingers wearing the Infinity Gauntlet — so that it’s perfectly balanced, as all things should be.
17) Explain the math of this to Private Rieben. (Show your work.)
18) If your answer is all mixed up by 311, you’ve got to trust your instinct and let go of regret. (You’ve got to bet on yourself now, Star. ‘Cause that’s your best bet. WATCH ME NOW.)
Stinkbug on my coffeecup. Fits right in with my damned day.
I’d bitch about having to wash the cup, if I wasn’t already at the sink 20 times a day washing my hands to avoid a potentially fatal contagion anyway.
THIS IS NOT THE FUTURE WESTWORLD PROMISED US. It contains 100 percent less Dom Dolores Dangerbot and 100 percent more stinkbug-on-my-coffee-cup.
WE GOT ROBBED.
(I’m so funny.)
Girl on Twitter: “Why does Trump insist on saying that we are in a “war”?”
Me: “He thinks it makes him sound tough. (If it were really a war, he would have gotten a deferment due to bone spurs.)”
If loving pickle loaf is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right.
CAROLINA PRIDE, *****es!
They mocked me once for favoring specialty meats. NOW WHOSE HABITUAL VICE IS CONSISTENTLY STOCKED EVEN IS TIMES OF APOCALYPSE-INDUCED SUPERMARKET SHORTAGES?
TODAY, THE MEAT AISLE. TOMORROW, THE WORLD.
In the not-too-distant future — this country, A.D.
This meme is making the rounds on Facebook. (As always, I’ll cheerfully credit its creator if he or she steps forward.)
Joel and the Bots might just make these televised farces bearable.
Another Donald Trump Limerick …
The #Dimericks hashtag has died down a bit on Twitter, but I couldn’t resist just one more limerick at Donald Trump’s expense …
There once was a doltish aggressor
who lied at his pandemic presser.
He figured he’d use
his tried-and-true ruse
of blaming his black predecessor.
I TOLD you I have big hair.
Damn thing needs its own zip code.
Unless I get it cut once a month, I turn into Mr. Glass from “Unbreakable.”
Or maybe Beaker the muppet at disillusioned midlife.
Meep.
This kite stuck in a tree on a rainy day might be the best metaphor for 2020 ever.
Unless … maybe if the tree was also on fire.
And I’m not going that far for a good photo. I’ve got enough problems.
Snickety-Snick.
Here’s an idea. Since none of us are getting haircuts, we should have a contest to see who can grow the coolest Wolverine hair.
Frankly I thought I’d be much farther along — I have a long reputation for having “big hair.” Seriously. It’s just always been thick.
I figured I’d let you guys off the hook and not suggest a six-pack abs contest. I’d win that one too easily.
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 