All posts by Eric Robert Nolan

Eric Robert Nolan graduated from Mary Washington College in 1994 with a Bachelor of Science in Psychology. He spent several years a news reporter and editorial writer for the Culpeper Star Exponent in Culpeper, Virginia. His work has also appeared on the front pages of numerous newspapers in Virginia, including The Free Lance – Star and The Daily Progress. Eric entered the field of philanthropy in 1996, as a grant writer for nonprofit healthcare organizations. Eric’s poetry has been featured by Dead Beats Literary Blog, Dagda Publishing, The International War Veterans’ Poetry Archive, and elsewhere. His poetry will also be published by Illumen Magazine in its Spring 2014 issue.

Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” like an undead woolly mammoth speaking in verse while cupids try to kill it.

Vintage Christmas cards are nuts, as anyone who’s ever gone down that particular Kafka-esque rabbit hole will tell you.  If you do a simple Google image search, you can see that our supposedly dignified forebears evidently toked up a lot around the holidays, whether it was on opium or bathtub gin or cocaine-fueled Coca-Cola or sassafras or whatever.

This might be the weirdest one yet.  The card below dates from 1912, and actually features a handwritten, rhyming poem –a lot of these antique holiday cards feature short, peculiar, rhyming poems; it was almost a folk-art genre unto itself.

Anyway, you’ll see that the poem below describes a woolly mammoth being excavated, and then … resurrecting or something.  (Or is this its ghost?)  The prehistoric animal has a creepy (though quaint and nicely vivid poem) addressing his saviors.  I’m pretty sure it’s about women’s suffrage, though I’m not sure whether it’s for or against.  I’m leaning toward the latter.  The poem gets harder to read toward the end, but … does it describe the female animals leading the males “meekly” to their long-ago death and entombment in the ice?  (And the author’s position is sort of implied by the one-word query, “Suffragette?” circled and written in blood-red letters.)

There are two cupids endeavoring to kill this unholy animal; you can find them in the top corners.  Because it’s a zombie, they are wisely aiming for its head.

“Merry Christmas,” in other words.

What is sassafras, exactly, anyway?  I can honestly you that I do not know for sure.

 

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Letter from George H.W. Bush to Bill Clinton, January 20, 1993

George H.W. Bush, 41st President of the United States, died last night at the age of 94.  Below is the traditional letter he left in the Oval Office for his successor, Bill Clinton.

 

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Seasons Greetings, One and All!

If I haven’t said this to you individually yet, then I am wishing you and yours a fun, safe and happy holiday season.

 

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Photo credit: 19th Century Christmas card by Louis Prang

I know that this is childish for me to go on about. (But when has that ever stopped me before?)

The trees in Melania Trump’s new White House Christmas display are BLOOD-red.  They’re like something out of the film adaptations of Clive Barker’s “Hellraiser” books. They look like they’re metal frames layered with webs of human capillaries.

It’s a Pinhead Christmas.

(I’m so sorry you have to put up with such weirdness when you visit this blog.  You people put up with a lot, seriously.  But I watch a lot of horror movies, okay?)

[Update: an alumna of mine just piped in — “It is a pinhead Christmas in more ways than one.”  Well played, Madam.]

 

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“W Lutym,” Alfred Wierusz-Kowalski

“In February.”  Date unknown.  Oil on canvas.

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(And here I am fiddling.)

This CNN article is from more than a year ago — but if you’re like me, it might explain some recent conversation you’ve had.  Only one out of four Americans can name all three branches of the American government.  A third are unable to name a single freedom protected by the First Amendment.

Just a friendly reminder that our Republic is burning:

CNN – September 13, 2017

 

A cooling, gray Grandin day.

Grandin Village in Roanoke, Virginia. November 2018.

Pictured is Grandin Road.

 

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Detail from “The Knight’s Dream,” Antonio de Pereda, circa 1650

Oil on canvas.

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Throwback Thursday: “Movie Monsters,” by Alan Ormsby (1975)

Alan Ormsby’s “Movie Monsters” was a 1970’s children’s book that wound up in my young hands by the start of the 1980’s.  I suspect that my older brother must have ordered it at school from Scholastic Books (remember them and their in-school sales bulletins?)  So by the time it filtered down to me, it already had the “big kid” book mystique in addition to featuring monsters — I was pretty enamored with it even before I sat down and read it through.

And it was a gem.  God, I loved this book.  (And I wish I’d happened across this on the Internet before Halloween, which was less than a month ago.)

There was a nice rundown of each the major Universal Studios monsters, in language that was easily comprehensible to a young kid.  And that was the first time I’d gotten a complete and detailed picture of the movies.  (They were well before my parents’ time.  And even today, I’m surprised to realize I can’t remember seeing any of Universal’s Gothic monster classics on television.  I’m really only getting started on them now, in my 40’s.)

There was a section of the book devoted to how a kid could create monster makeup out of common household substances, like … vegetable oil?  Baking soda?  Flour?  I forget.  [Update: it was corn starch!  No wonder my costumer friend laughed at me when I told her about this book and told her it suggested corn syrup.]  There might have been food coloring involved too; I really can’t remember.

And there was another section devoted to monster-themed magic tricks, as well as the script for a play that you could put on in the backyard.  Damn, this book stimulated my imagination.  I remember reading about Lon Chaney and Lon Chaney, Jr. and wanting to be them.

Other 70’s and 80’s kids remember this book too.  “Mr. Karswell” at the “and everything else too” blog has uploaded a bunch of pages from it; you can find them right here.  And there’s another neat rundown by George McGowan over here at “Collecting Classic Monsters.”

There’s actually another book like this that I’d love to run down and post about — “Movie Monsters From Outer Space.”  That one, I think, was published in the early 80’s, but that generic title makes it a bit hard to hunt down via Google.  If anybody out there has any links or more info about it, I’d be grateful if you sent it my way.

 

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The End

“Thanksgiving Week at Claytor Lake,” Ron and Betty Addington Family, 2014

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Photo credit: vastateparksstaff [CC BY 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons