I just tried to order a Slushie without ice, because I am so used to ordering my sodas that way, and also because I am a f***ing imbecile.
“Well … they’re MADE with ice,” the polite high schooler explained apologetically.
This reminds me of that time in my 20’s when I ordered from the Taco Bell drive-thru but drove right through with getting my order, because reasons.
I walked through a valley, ate lunch on a rock and saw four groundhogs.
Okay, it wasn’t Bilbo Baggins level or anything, but still.
Eric’s Epic Detrimental Deluge
Don’t put a trigger on a hose unless you want me to re-enact the scene in “Aliens” (1986) where Hudson ****ing goes berserk with his pulse rifle against xenomorphs attacking from every angle.
“YOU WANT SOME?! *GET* SOME!!!”
Which store? Target? Victoria’s Secret? B&D Comic Shop on Elm Avenue?
Not to be a Negative Ned here, but there are some people from my past I wouldn’t want to meet by chance. That’s why they’re in the past.
Though it’s important to note that my fortune here says the past, not necessarily my past. Which I suppose could mean I’ll meet William Jennings Bryant at the bait shop or something.
I probably think too much about these things.
As I recall, they’d also have a problem with a president acting like a king — and attacking every check on his power, including the press, the courts, term limits, his political opponents and his own justice department. The pure f***ing imbecile even threatened Saturday Night Live with “retribution” for parodying him in a sketch.
The MAGA crowd only invokes the framers when it wants to evoke a vague, romanticized pretext for whatever weird, braindead, id-driven bullshit is on its anti-democratic agenda.
More old photos from Roanoke, Virginia. I have no idea why I like blurry photos of inclement weather so much, but I do.
Hey, gang — turns out I’ve been nominated to receive Publication of the Month from Spillwords Press for my poem, “school shooter.”
If you’re feeling so inclined, you can vote for the piece right here.
I found another picture of Roanoke’s truly enormous turkey vultures!! (I’m doing that thing where you rediscover those cool old photos when you clean out your computer files. Snow pics are coming.)
Oh my god — I just caught myself wearing socks with sandals.
And I was ONCE SO HIP.
[Narrator:] He was never hip.
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 