2024 was a banner year for my poetry. If you happen to enjoy my ongoing, Kafka-esque portraiture of a neurotic scribbler, all of the year’s publications can be found right here:
Tag Archives: humor
It’s true what they say — never shop stupid.
Which one of you bastards swapped out my chicken noodle soup with this “cream of chicken” monstrosity? Because this stuff is a Lovecraftian horror whose secret ingredient is human suffering.
Seriously, this is what chicken would taste like if a diabolical AI had prepared it using only a rusty, radioactive blender and incomplete recipes gleaned from the ruins of a Cold War gulag — and if the chickens themselves had cholera.
Alright, alright — it maybe isn’t THAT bad, but I was jonesing for some real SOUP, and not this puzzling, paste-based concoction.
And of course the fault is mine. (It always is.) I grabbed the wrong package off the shelf at Kroger when I got excited over the sale price. A lot of Campbell’s Soups look alike.
A Yuletide Flu.
So I had a Merry Sickmas. We think it must have been some version of the flu, though it was curiously absent of any respiratory symptoms.
Trust me — the fever, fatigue and confusion were bad enough. (Alright, yeah, the confusion for me is sort of a constant thing.)
It turns out I’m not the only one who was under the weather. There are apparently a couple of different bugs going around; I know people from New York to Ohio for whom contagion was an unwanted present.
Anyway, pictured below is how I turned the corner on my illness. (It’s been a slow process, but I got sick last Sunday and I feel like I am finally almost better right now.) A fellow writer out in Arizona sent me this delectable fudge as a Festival of Lights gift, and it was one of the first things I was able to eat. (The tiny little spoon it came with was just perfect for beginning with little bites.)
And it was at precisely that point when I stopped getting sicker and started getting better. Fudge is superfood.
Are you … MacReady for Christmas?
I apologize. Not for the violent satire of beloved childhood characters but for the terrible pun in the headline.
Roanokers, look out your window!! (8:23 AM.)
This is me trying to channel Andy Warhol.
It is absolutely not what I meant to create with the various shots that I edited from a single original. But the free online … collage-maker arranged them at random.
Oh, well. It’s … still visually interesting? (“I’m … Ron Burgundy?”)
It’s what we call an Ericstential crisis.
(Maybe now they’ll finally get the message.)
A little present from a fellow writer.
I scream for ice cream.
So I noticed recently that there’s a new ice cream joint on South Jefferson Street. (At least I think it’s new; it takes me forever to notice anything.)
It looks auspicous. I might just go looking for a tall chocolate milkshake into which to drown my sorrows.
I apologize for this post.
Libertarian friend: “There is another option! Chase Oliver! He’s on the ballot!”
Me: “I would Chase Oliver but I wouldn’t know what to do if I caught him.”
Photo credit: Gage Skidmore from Surprise, AZ, United States of America, CC BY-SA 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 