Tag Archives: humor

So I’m a meme now.

I was joking around about boycotts on Facebook today, and one of my friends made this.  I don’t think I’ve ever actually participated in a boycott.  They often seem to me to be an attempt at a de facto suppression of speech.  I don’t know if I’m a so-called free speech absolutist, because that just feels like a loaded term, but I’ve gotten into trouble with both liberals and conservatives with my views in that area, which others tend to view as extreme.

But I guess that’s besides the point.  People think this picture is funny.  A college friend of mine out in Texas shared this in a few places after politely asking if he could make it “go viral.”  (He asked the meme-maker’s permission, but not mine.)  This is the same guy I told you about who’s a master pyro-technician and will likely puncture the ozone layer at some point in his lifetime.

Anyway, now there are a bunch of people out in the Lone Star State laughing at me, and I’m not sure why.  (They weren’t privy to the Facebook conversation that spawned this.)  It’s probably just my goofy-ass face.

I’m not even sure I remember taking this picture.  I might have been in some kind of very chipper fugue state.

 

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Another reason to love Roanoke — people laugh at my dinosaur jokes.

Or maybe they’re just being polite.

Which is probably more plausible.

Remember that guy I told you about who eats nine eggs at one sitting?  I started calling him The Oviraptor, and that totally caught on.  I’m a trend setter here.

 

 

A buddy of mine ate nine eggs in one sitting.

What you see below was a single meal for this guy.  That’s six chicken eggs and three duck eggs.  The plate is a regular-sized dinner plate.

He told me he’d probably be hungry again in about two hours’ time.  He has a normal body weight.

I think he might be on of The X-Men.

 

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You guys heard the news about “Space Force” today?

In a surprise press conference, President Trump unveiled its mission statement:

  1. Man the air.
  2. Ram the ramparts.
  3. Take over airports.
  4. Do everything they have to do.

 

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I knew this pun was bad, but I went Fourth with it anyway.

A college friend actually invited me to the Fourth of July festivities in Washington tomorrow.

But I said no tanks.

 

 

My idea for an “Iron Man” horror story:

Tony Stark programs his suit to act fully autonomously in the event he’s ever knocked unconscious or otherwise incapacitated. In addition to fighting villains and saving people, it’s programmed to seek out a power source so it can replenish itself.

Except he dies inside the suit, which continues carrying out all its advanced programs without him. And it cannot be shut down, especially because it will defend itself against anyone who tries to tamper with it. Even Tony’s friends and allies can’t take it offline.

So essentially you’ve got Tony’s metal-encased corpse rocketing around committing various heroic deeds, indefinitely. People are grateful to be helped but really freaked out at the same time. And poor Pepper.

 

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By Julito82 – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=4844819

OBAMA IS FUNDING LIBERAL COLLEGE PROFESSORS TO ATTACK WHITES.

(I didn’t create this meme; I got it from Facebook.)

The last time I discussed a theory like one of those you could generate below, I asked as neutrally as I could for evidence.  I was told that “Good people are just now stepping forward.”

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Somebunny almost got stepped on.

These little Roanoke fur-twerps need to be more careful about getting underfoot.  We not-quite-middle-aged New Yorkers aren’t used to animals darting about our feet.  And we … can’t see quite as well as we used to, either.

 

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This joke is so weak, it would perish in the jungle.

Sooooooo, whenever you order the strangest item on a menu, it’s a Darwinian selection.

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The fur-twerps are back and running amok!

The soft invasion is upon us once again; the perennial influx of bunnies has arrived.  (It actually arrived maybe two months ago.  But these little buggers are shy and quick; this is the first decent picture I’ve successfully snapped.)

 

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