A short review of “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” (2019)

It’s true what they say about “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” (2019) — its script is almost completely brainless.  It’s got about as much depth as the old “G.I. Joe” cartoon (1983-1986) that played after school when we were kids.

But I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t enjoy this.  And I’m sure you know why — the big-budget, big-MONSTER special effects.  They were spectacular — and sometimes they approached being unexpectedly beautiful.  (It’s hard to explain here, but our eyes are treated to more than skyscraper-tall brawls between “titans.”  We get a light show too — thanks to some confusing, thinly scripted, but nonetheless dazzling energy-based monster powers.  It was really damned good.)

Add to this a generally excellent cast, and you might be able to forgive the screenplay for insulting your intelligence.  I know that most people would name Ken Watanabe as the actor who truly classes up the joint.  And there’s plenty of truth to that, but I myself would name Charles Dance as the movie’s biggest standout.  The man’s craft is goddam Shakespearean, and I think he’s equal of the likes of Patrick Stewart or Ian McKellen.  And I’d like to think that his throwaway line, “Long live the King,” was at least partly a fan-service reference to what I’m guessing is his best known role — Tywin Lannister on HBO’s “Game of Thrones” (2011-2019).

Based on my own enjoyment, I’d rate this movie an 8 out of 10 — with the caveat that I’m a kid at heart when it comes to giant monsters.  If you’re the same way, then “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” might just become a guilty pleasure that you return to more than once.

 

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It’s so hot out that it looks like the new street tar is melting.

I’m serious. Look at the picture below. This is from a pothole that was fixed yesterday.

If it were any hotter out here, it would be King’s Landing.

Remember, guys. Replenish your electrolytes by drinking lots of Mercury Retrograde.

 

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Turns out Robert Frost wrote a poem just for us “Game of Thrones” fans.

“Fire and Ice,” by Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

 

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“The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.”

[MINOR “GAME OF THRONES” SPOILERS BELOW. ]

This is what makes me worry over Arya’s fate before the show ends. I think a lot of people would think of Jon as the “lone wolf” of the family, being a putative “bastard” and being relegated to the Night’s Watch, etc.  I, for one, always imagined the prognostication applied to him. (I think it was a verse Ned recited to Sansa in Season 1?) But … being marginalized, vilified or betrayed doesn’t mean Jon has been alone.

Jon’s has always had friends near him.  He became a King, for god’s sake.  But more than any of the other Stark children, Arya has usually walked alone.  Her primary motivation is personal revenge, whereas Sansa, Jon and Bran are respectively motivated by their duties to House Stark, Westeros, and all of humanity.  (I myself am slightly befuddled about Bran’s importance, including during the Battle of Winterfell.  He’s … “the world’s memory?”  I thought we had books and maesters for that.  But whatever.)

Arya doesn’t exactly leave the Faceless Men under the best of terms.  Even when she encounters Nymeria in the woods on her way back to Winterfell, her own former pet turns down her invitation to join her.

Then, even when she’s back among her siblings at Winterfell, she keeps to herself.  Upon her arrival, she slips by the two guards who were supposed to escort her.  When Jon asks where she is, Sansa says something to the effect of “She’s lurking around here somewhere.”

Besides … [MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 8 AFTER THE JUMP BELOW]

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Knights in Wight Satin …

Soooo many “Game of Thrones” puns that I want to post online, soooo many spoilers I need to beware of sharing.  What’s a nerd to do?

The generic puns are safe enough.  People seemed to enjoy my “I’m dreaming of a wight Christmas” tension-breaker when that storm started hitting during last night’s episode.  Or maybe they were just humoring me.  They do that a lot.

I’m waiting for someone to do that weird thing where they brag about having never seen an episode of the show.  I want to hit them with “Arya Stark raving mad?!”  Which I guess is kind of pointless, because they won’t understand the reference, but still.

 

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