Tag Archives: humor

The most unintentionally horrifying craft project ever.

Yes.  What you are seeing below is indeed a rug made out of stuffed animals.  Sewn together.  With their stuffing removed.

I am as unsettled as you are — as are no small number of commenters at the craft page on Facebook where this was posted.  My best friend, however, wrote that she “LOVES” it — because she is a terribly misguided soul, despite her brilliance, and we still have a long way to go with her.

To me, this seems like “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” meets the Island of Misfit Toys …

Or maybe … Toy Gory?

Silence of the Lamb Chop?

The kindest joke I can think of is Joseph and the Amazing Teddycolor Dreamcoat — and somehow that is only marginally less creepy.

 

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“Beware the fury of a patient man?”

I’m pretty sure that’s John Dryden, and not a Chinese aphorism.  I learned it years ago when Tom Clancy quoted Dryden at the beginning of one of his novels.  (I can’t remember which — but I think it was one of his revenge-minded tales like “Without Remorse” or “Debt of Honor.”)  Strangely enough, Goodreads has the quote falsely attributed to Clancy himself.

But it works.  Well done, Fortune Cookie People.

The other one I got advised me, “Do not build your happiness on others’ sorrow.”  That sounds like good advice to me — and it’s a bit more high-minded than Dryden’s warning.

 

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Hey, HEY, hey!

One of my friends asked me last night who I would look like if I was black. (The friend who asked is black.)

I told him I was pretty sure I’d be Rog from “What’s Happening.”

He laughed his ass off.  Everyone laughed their asses off.  I could be on to something here.

I’m the white Rog.

 

Ghost Dork.

Yes, I realize that photo filters are nothing new.  But they’re new and amazing to me, because I am old, and I was never quick to catch on to things in the first place.  This is actually my first use of a filter, and I only discovered it by accident because I’m befuddled by the Facebook Messenger app on my cell phone.

I hope you like it.  I’m so glad they had a horror theme instead of just sunglasses and neon kitten ears and stuff.  I even ran into the woods behind my house for the creepiest effect.

 

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All I want for Presidents Day is a qualified one.

I’ll even leave out cookies and milk …

 

 

 

Monday Punisher Selfie because I am nine.

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MEN AND WOMEN DISCUSS IT TOO.

The following is a totally real comment I just received on a blog post:

“You guys want to hear something totally wild?! is truly great! I wish Naturally i realized over it quick. Having neighbors we each consider it also in relation to week. Which it is really great that you really men and women discuss it too! Owing!”

Owing indeed, my friend. Owing indeed.

 

 

 

You guys want to hear something totally wild?!

You know how Nietzsche said that “If you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you?”

I went out last night to see the blue moon.

It saw me standing alone.

Without a dream in my heart. Without a love of my own.

 

 

I’m watching “American Horror Story.”

The season with the clowns.  It … actually IS pretty scary.  The angry orange clown has launched into some kind of confusing monologue and …

Oh … wait. This is the State of the Union Address.

 

 

 

Talk about the Red Pill …

Friend, while watching the State of the Union Address: “Why does it look like [Trump] is standing in front of a CGI image of Ryan and Pence?”

Me: “It’s a glitch in the Hate-trix.”

 

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