Tag Archives: humor

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Too good not to share.

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Thank you, Andrew Stanley Partridge.

 

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I sound just like Brendan Gleeson right now. I am AWESOME.

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Tonight’s agenda — speak exclusively in British slang; tell all the nobs to bugger off, and sort out all the bellends. Then meet up with a nice bird who isn’t a tart.

Nice one. Right, my British slang is proper, innit? Oh, you don’t think so? GET OUT OF IT, THEN.

Tally ho!

Sally forth!

And let slip the dogs of war!  (Or something!)

Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of York!!

[Update: God damn it. I realized just now that Brendan Gleeson is IRISH.]

 

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(It’s a good thing her name isn’t “Lola.”)

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— That awkward moment when you are texting a woman and you try to text “LOL you are too much” and it autocorrects to “Lola you ate too much.”

— That awkward moment when the clerk says “Whattya been up to, Big Daddy?” and you answer “Nothing much,” except she was talking to her boyfriend who walked in behind you.

Yeah, tonight’s a winner.  Maybe this is proof that Friday the 13th is actually a thing.

 

 

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That totally weird moment when Trump reminds you of a scene in “Batman Returns” (1992) …

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I can’t be the only person who’s thought of this.   It’s been bugging me since I first saw the footage of Donald Trump throwing paper towels to people in Puerto Rico.

Doesn’t it remind you of villain Max Shreck throwing presents to Gothamites in “Batman Returns” (1992)?  It’s at .15 in the clip below.

Those flying white-faced goddam circus freaks near the end of the scene could be his cabinet members.  Jeff Sessions could fly that high if somebody threw him, right?

 

 

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My day has been a disaster.

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Somebody toss some paper towels at me.

That’ll help.

 

 

 

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I was going going through my camera and I found this AMAZING eclipse picture …

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You can see the ominous great sable shape of the moon as it slowly encroaches waiiiiiiiiiiiiiitaminute that’s my giant white nerd head about to obscure the sun.  Sorry.

(You can tell by the glasses.)

 

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Jon Snow

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He’s got 99 problems, but a liche ain’t one.

 

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I’m doggone hilarious.

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Friend:   “Gotta love Facebook. Less than 6 hours to find my dog. 🙂 )

 
Me:        “Your dog opened a Facebook account?! That’s amazing!”

 

 

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Do NOT view the solar eclipse tomorrow without the special glasses.

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Guys, please do not view the solar eclipse tomorrow without the ISO-certified eclipse-viewing glasses.  You could go blind.

Do not allow any children to view the eclipse without the special glasses.  (Wouldn’t a lot of kids just ignore adults’ advice and watch an eclipse unprotected anyway, especially if their eyes don’t hurt when they first look at it?  I was that kind of kid.)

Sunglasses are not a substitute.  I’m a little confused by what I’ve read so far online about taking pictures, but I understand you should not be looking at the eclipse through a camera or a smartphone camera either.

I don’t know why this whole thing has me acting like such a mother hen on the Internet, seriously.  But here we are.

If your eyes aren’t protected, MARION, DON’T LOOK AT IT.

 

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A plague of locusts today, a total eclipse tomorrow.

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If it doesn’t start raining frogs on Tuesday, I’m going to be very disappointed.

And the apocalypse will be especially depressing given how happy and unified our country is today.

Who invented pumpkin spice latte?  Gonna tear that mother****er’s statue down.

 

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