Tag Archives: 1986

The message of “Civil War” (2024) in six words: “Kids, don’t try this at home.”

Watching Alex Garland’s “Civil War” (2024) is a lot like watching an hour-and-forty-nine-minute train wreck — except it’s even more horrifying because the accident happens right outside your hometown, and its casualties might easily be people you know.

It isn’t an “entertaining” movie; it’s hard to imagine anyone “having a good time” seeing it.  It’s disturbing enough that I wouldn’t even recommend it to many people I know.  I’m probably showing my age when the movie I keep wanting to compare it to is Oliver Stone’s “Platoon” (1986).

But it is definitely a well made film.  In a nutshell, it combines the best elements of two of Garland’s previous movies.  It has the breakneck, street-level, frightening, kinetic action of 2002’s “28 Days Later” and the thoughtful dialogue of 2015’s “Ex Machina.”  (But viewers who are wary of Garland’s sometimes ponderous and lengthy dialogue scenes should rest assured that this is definitely an action movie.)

It’s surprisingly apolitical.  (Garland himself stated it was intentionally “opaque.”)  When we see random factions and individuals committing revolting acts of violence, we’re often given little information about which side they are actually on.  Viewers hoping to see America’s contemporary left/right divide depicted will be disappointed.  (Hence the part of the plot setup that readers laughed at before the movie’s release —  California and Texas join forces against the federal government.)  While Nick Offerman’s cruel and feckless American president is obviously “a bad guy,” his political party is never named.

The cast is roundly excellent, even if everyone is outshined by Kirsten Dunst’s hollow-eyed photojournalist who is in the midst of a traumatized existential crisis.  And if you’re a fan of creepy “that guy” actor Jesse Plemmons, as I am, you’ll see that he is at his finest here.

I know that there have been a spate of negative reviews since the film opened yesterday, accusing it of being “pointless” or without a meaningful story.  I disagree.

This is a milieu-type story in which the catastrophic war itself is the primary antagonist.   It kills both the culpable and the innocent indiscriminately.

And Garland’s message is clear: “Kids, don’t try this at home.”



CW

(Who are you, by the way? And when do I get my shoulder-cannon?)

So do our eyes just get progressively worse as we get older? Does the world just get blurrier and blurrier until it becomes only shapes and colors, like a lame-ass version of Predator-vision?

[clicks feebly in Yautja]



Pred

Throwback Thursday: “Raiders of the Lost Ark” (1981)!

This is it, folks.  This is the greatest movie of all time.  It’s better than “Blade Runner” (1982), better than John Carpenter’s “The Thing” (1982), better than “Aliens” (1986).  And those movies were all … perfect.  (Man the 1980’s really were a golden age for pop culture, weren’t they?)

I was eight years old when I saw this in the theater, and I thereafter was a bit of an Indiana Jones cultist.  It wasn’t just the action figures and board games and comic book and posters and role-playing games.  I actually resolved to become an archeologist (or a paleontologist), and I thought the best way that I could prepare for that as a third grader was to gain experience “in the field.”

So I would lead my friends on “digs” or “expeditions” in the forests around my neighborhood.  We would often arbitrarily pick a spot in the middle of nowhere and then just dig there, with a shovels we borrowed from my family’s garage.  We were hoping to find … anything of interest, I guess :buried treasure, dinosaur bones, Indian arrowheads, whatever.  (We never did.  About the only thing we “discovered” was that tree roots are a real bitch when you’re trying to dig a hole.)  I even kept maps and journals of our “adventures.”  These are the kinds of things that boys do before they discover girls.

I tried to look the part, too.  I had a brown cowboy hat that I hoped could pass for a fedora, an (empty) binocular case and a prop bullwhip snagged from a Levi’s jeans display at the local mall.  My older brother called me “Idaho Bones” because I essentially was a cheap, skinny knockoff of the character I wanted to emulate.  I hated it at the time, but as an adult, I kinda can’t dispute his assessment.

Oh, well.  We all had fun.  Every other boy in the neighborhood who spotted that bullwhip wanted to try it, so there’s that.

To this day, “Raiders” is still my favorite movie ever.

By the way, I am linking below to the Rotten Tomatoes Classic Trailers Youtube channel.



Careful. I hear some girl lost her baby brother there.

Also … we won’t be on this road long. Just a Minotaur two.

laby

Poster for “Aliens” (1986)

20th Century Studios.

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Marketing art for “Masterpiece: Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns” (2013)

DC Comics.  Adapted from Miller’s interior art for his 1986 limited series, “The Dark Knight Returns.”

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“KITCHEN MISHAPS” Season 1, Episode 1

Eric’s Epic Detrimental Deluge

Don’t put a trigger on a hose unless you want me to re-enact the scene in “Aliens” (1986) where Hudson ****ing goes berserk with his pulse rifle against xenomorphs attacking from every angle.

“YOU WANT SOME?!  *GET* SOME!!!”



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House ad for “Batman: Year One,” David Mazzucchelli, 1986

DC Comics.

Throwback Thursday: this 1986 Laser Tag commercial!

I remember Laser Tag as an exciting but fairly brief blip in 1980’s pop culture.  A lot of the kids I knew got excited about these commercials, a lot of us asked earnestly for Laser Tag guns Christmas, and … none of us got them.  (Our parents seemed unanimous that they were too expensive.)

Ah, well.  The subsequent buzz around my neighborhood was that our parents were probably wise, anyway — we heard later that the guns hardly worked, making the product nowhere near as cool as the commercials depicted.  (I am linking below to Kevin Noonan’s Youtube Channel, by the way.)

And then the fad faded — all the hubbub around Laser Tag (and Photon, its cheaper competitor) just kinda went away.  It sort of makes sense.  Paintball was alive and well as an edgier, more subversive, and more exciting sport; I can’t imagine how these gaudy electronic products could compete with that.

The Wikipedia entry for Laser Tag had a couple of surprises for me.  For starters, the technology for the products’ infrared light guns and sensors was developed by the United States Army in the 1970’s — I guess it was an Ender’s Game-type scenario.  And the first game system using the technology was South Bend’s Star Trek Electronic Phaser Guns in 1979.  (Those toys were released in conjunction with the premiere of that year’s “Star Trek: The Motion Picture.”)

Didn’t see that one coming.  I’ll bet those toys fetch a nice price among collectors.

Anyway, there was another Laser Tag commercial that everybody talked about back in the day … it depicted American and Russian teams competing in a dystopian-future tournament, in which the Statue of Liberty was the trophy.  It’s smile-inducing.  I couldn’t find a really decent copy of it to link to here, but you can find it on Youtube.

 

 

 

Throwback Thursday: this 1986 commercial for “Sorry!”

I have some great memories of sipping ice pops and playing “Sorry!” with my best friend on his back patio after a long summer day.  (I believe it was licensed by Parker Brothers in the 1980’s, and not Hasbro.)  Not once did anyone ever chime in and say “sorry” during gameplay.  Because that would have been weird and stupid.