It’s someone who lashes out at me whenever I correct their spelling, grammar, punctuation or usage during a political discussion.

You heard it here first, people.

I’m pretty sure I should be a highly paid analyst at a think tank somewhere. You guys get on that.

You know what obstructs any meaningful commentary on social issues that I see in the news?

Having the damned “P” key stuck on my keyboard.

I’ve told you guys before how it changes “hope” to “hoe.”

Tonight we discovered that it converts the “gay pride” to “gay ride.”

My intended meaning is altered entirely, in other words.

Somebody tell me how to fix my keyboard — lease.

Happy Birthday, Jaine!!!
This cake misspells your name.
The Brits include an “i,”
although I know not why.

I miss you very much —
your charm and fun and such …
Have fun across the sea
With your boys and with Denis!!