Tag Archives: Eric Robert Nolan

A dam fine Easter weekend.

I know this might be hard to believe, but do you see those piles of debris?  Those are the remnants of beaver dams.  Beavers are itinerant, as it turns out, and will abandon dams for subsequent strongholds upstream.

That was one a few damn cool things that I got to see during my weekend in Mount Vernon; a great friend of mine generously invited me out to meet her family and spend the Easter holiday around George Washington’s home.  (That’s it in the last picture.)  The third photo you see is an apple tree in her yard — the metal skirt around its base is to fend off beavers.  If you peek through it, you can see the damage it sustained when the little buggers tried to chew through its base and carry it right off.

People in Virginia always look at me funny when I say this, but we absolutely do not have stuff like this on Long Island!

Mount Vernon is beautiful.  I spotted a … black-winged condor, I think?  There is also a wailing nocturnal fox that frequents my friend’s property, as well, but she didn’t put in an appearance.

Anyway, there are also photos halfway down of what is probably the scariest looking tree I’ve ever seen.  It’s more than 150 years old, and it looks dead, even if it isn’t.  To me, that coarse, gray, clutching swarm of equally dead-looking vines looks like an otherworldly,  witch-summoned spiderweb.

I commented that it would be a genesis for a horror story idea.  One of my hosts, who is only fourteen years old, spun a tale on the spot that would be far better than anything I could come up with.

 

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I have a possessed skull plasma lamp, and I’m f$%&ing thrilled with it.

I have entered into a period of my life at which fiscal responsibility is of paramount importance.  So of course I bought a $35 skull-shaped interactive lightning-shooting plasma lamp with no warranty last night from Spencer’s.

This is possibly the best decision I have ever made in my life.  Aside from the massive coolness evident in the pictures below, it has the added feature of actually being possessed.  Consider the following:

  1.  It is impossible to photograph.  Those photos you see below?  They were yielded from a Google image search.  Something goes wrong every single time I try to snap a shot of my product in action — you cannot see the sublimely excellent rainbow lightning shooting from its base to the inner circumference of the glass skull. It just shows a whitish, otherworldly flare!  Like angel fire!  Or the wrath of Abbadon!  Or anything, ever, in a J.J. Abrams movie!
  2. The MOMENT after I attempted these photos, the battery light on my digital camera flashed and the entire device went dead.  COINCIDENCE?
  3. EVERY time I turn it on, my computer malfunctions.  I SWEAR I am not making this up.  Whenever the lamp is activated, I lose all control of my cursor, which simply leaps and twitches and shudders around my screen like a terrified jitterbug.  (That is a real species, right?)

Anyway, I cannot articulate how wicked this thing is.  It’s a damn fine product.  Like any plasma lamp, when you touch it, the caged lightning shoots to the point where your hands make contact with its surface.  [EDIT: “wicked” is early 80’s slang for something that is very, very good, and very, very impressive.]

This product will be an outstanding muse for a horror writer who hasn’t published or posted anything in a very long time.  (I know you people have been totally cool about that.  Would you believe I have a bunch of handwritten short stories that I just need to typeset and submit?  There’s a really cool time travel story!)

It also has an “audio” function which is kind of a mystery to me … apparently this is a function in which only sound activates the lightning?  I switched that on, then clapped a few times, but nothing happened.  I was perplexed.  (The third photo below illustrates me being perplexed.)  Then I just began shouting random words at it.  I started with “NATE WADE!!!”  I have no idea why; apparently there’s some free association thing going on there that I can’t explain.

Still no luck.  I consulted the packaging but found its instructions sparse.  They reminded me that this product indeed has a “Sound Responsive Mode,” but says little of help beyond that.  Then the box exhorts me repeatedly to “GET THE PARTY STARTED,” but those are redundant instructions, because, Christ, I do that every time I breathe.

Tonight I am going to blast Slipknot’s “Psychosocial” to find out if that will do the trick.  I figure that’s just the song to placate an angry ghost.  I’ll also replace the batteries in my camera, and this time try to shoot video.

Unless my camera now is just too demonically damaged.  We’ll see.

 

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I almost typed “a short haiku,” but I figure that would be a redundancy.

The good folks over at Dead Snakes were kind enough yesterday to feature a haiku I penned.  Click the link for “Sideburns Haiku” by Ye Olde Nolan:

“Sideburns Haiku,” by Eric Robert Nolan

Anyway, every time I think of the word “sideburns,” I think of the Tony Travis song of the same name, performed in 1953’s “The Beatniks.”  Only Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans will know what I am talking about.

 

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Photo credit: “John Raphael Smith by Francis Chantrey (with thanks to the V&A for allowing photography)” by Jonathan Cardy – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=29629944

Check out MWC Alum Steve Miller’s virtual silkscreen art!

Here’s something I’ve been meaning to post for a while now — I am the proud owner of two “photographic virtual silkscreens” by the talented Alexandria artist Steve Miller.  I mentioned these prints on the blog when Steve sent them to me, but I never posted photos.

Steve is an old friend of mine, and a fellow graduate of Mary Washington College.  (No absurd “UMW” appellations will appear on this blog.)  As I’ve mentioned here in the past, some of my favorite memories of college were partying with the gang at Steve’s room in “The Tunnel” between Mason and Randolph Halls.  (I was a nervous and hyperactive freshman in the Fall of 1990; Steve and a few other upperclassmen there took me under their collective wing, and taught me to chill out and listen to the Beatles like a respectable Virginian young man.)  Steve is the tall guy in the shades in our group photo below.

But Steve was also a great friend because he’s one of the first true artists I had in my peer group.  He was a great creative influence, and taught me to dig good music, laid back friends and offbeat, unusual art.  I’d like to think it made me a far more well rounded young person.  To this day, whenever I hear The Allman Brothers (whose work was gospel to our crowd), I think of The Tunnel.

Steve’s work with virtual silkscreening was my introduction to the medium.  It’s cool and trippy; I love the vibe it brings to my place.

Check out Steve’s site here:

http://virtualsilkscreens.com/

 

 

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A few quick words about “Last Shift” (2014)

“Last Shift” (2014) came highly recommended.  It didn’t quite meet my consequent expectations, as aspects of it seemed amateurish — I felt there were problems with plotting, pacing, structure and even sound editing.  (I just couldn’t always discern what was said by the voice on the phone.)

But it was still good enough for me to rate it a 7 out of 10, thanks primarily to an interesting premise, a solid lead actress, and some genuinely scary moments.  Juliana Harkavy does just fine as a rookie cop working alone on her first shift — on the titular last shift of a police station being shuttered after a new facility opens elsewhere.  She carries the movie well as demonic shenanigans ensue at the haunted site, even if, at times, it seems she needed better direction about her character’s mood and reactions.

And the scares were there, which means this does qualify as a successful horror movie.  One, for example, results from an extended sequence involving a dropped flashlight — it’s creative and effective despite its simplicity.  Another scare results from what seems to be a direct homage to “Poltergeist” (1982) — but it might be even creepier here.

This is a decent enough fright flick; it’s worth checking out.

 

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“Sunrise Over Cadillac Mountain” (photo)

Let’s see if I understand the story here … if you reach the top of Maine’s Cadillac Mountain during autumn or winter, you can see the sun rise over the United States for the first time that day?  Hot damn if that isn’t a great excuse for a road trip.  I’ve been hoping  to take a long journey to Maine with a couple of buddies of mine in New York — this would be a perfect destination.

Mount Desert Island, where the mountain is situated, is so far north that I figure it must be easy to just hop on a boat and hit Nova Scotia.  That’s a place I’ve always wanted to see, ever since we studied it in Geography 101 at Mary Washington College.  I might have gotten a “D” in that class, but Nova Scotia’s beauty was still not lost on me.

 

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Photo credit:  By Bandan (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons.

“You see, I’m Irish — but I’m not a leprechaun!”

“You wanna fight?  Then step up and we’ll get it on!”

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

And Happy Throwback Thursday, too.  House of Pain’s “Top O’ The Mornin’ To Ya” dates from 1992.  It actually has a pretty nifty “Return of the Jedi” reference, for you Star Wars fans who currently rule this little thing called the Internet.

And the song is memorable to this comic book fan for being a great intro track for Colin Farrell’s Bullseye in 2003’s “Daredevil.”  I actually am the rare (or possibly unique) individual who really likes that movie.  I bought it on DVD, and I’ve seen it more times than I care to publicly admit, given its ignominy.

 

“Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears.”

Today is the Ides of March.

I suppose that Marc Antony’s speech from “Julius Caesar,” below, is the Western World’s definitive treatise on sarcasm?

I haven’t read it in its entirety since 10th grade English at Longwood High School.  In doing so now, I’m surprised at how many pop cultural references to it spring to mind:

  1.  The entire speech is beautifully riffed by the eponymous blade-wielding arch-villain in Matt Wagner’s incredible “Grendel: Devil by the Deed” (1993) as follows: “Friends, Romans, city folk — listen to me or I’ll lop off off your ears.  Let’s bury your Caesar and then let’s appraise him.”
  2. I’m guessing that Charles Bronson’s “The Evil That Men Do” (1984) is a reference to the third line?
  3. In at least one episode of “The X Files” in the 1990’s, the Well-Manicured Man angrily refers to the traitorous Syndicate as “these honorable men.”
  4. In one of his later novels (2002’s “The Bear and the Dragon,” maybe?) Tom Clancy describes a pregnant Chinese factory worker as being “made of sterner stuff.”  (I can’t remember which book, but for some strange reason I can remember that line.  Weird.)

 

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus
Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Caesar answer’d it.
Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest–
For Brutus is an honourable man;
So are they all, all honourable men–
Come I to speak in Caesar’s funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
He hath brought many captives home to Rome
Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:
Did this in Caesar seem ambitious?
When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And Brutus is an honourable man.
You all did see that on the Lupercal
I thrice presented him a kingly crown,
Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And, sure, he is an honourable man.
I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for him?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar,
And I must pause till it come back to me.

 

— from William Shakespeare’s “Julius Caesar”

 

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Throwback Thursday: 90’s music

I found this puzzle floating around Facebook; I don’t know it’s author.

How many bands can you name?  I count 8 … maybe 9.

 

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“Emilie” (2015) is a superb, gut-wrenching thriller.

I’ll come straight to the point — “Emilie” is an exceptional horror-thriller that belongs on your list of films to see, provided you can stomach some disturbing content.  This movie hooked me in under a minute, even before its title appeared on screen.  Then it kept me glued to it throughout most of its running length.  It could have been an even better film — a classic on par with “Psycho” (1960) or “Fatal Attraction”(1987), were it not for some key creative choices about halfway through.

I’d give this movie a 9 out of 10.  It succeeds for two reasons — great acting and a script that perfectly employs dialogue that is at first subtle and nuanced, and then increasingly frightening.  The title character is a babysitter who is not what the parents expected, in more ways than one.  After some deliberately awkward character interaction with the departing parents, she proceeds to subject the children to a series of progressively more demented psychological games.  What follows is a thriller brimming with pathos.  The movie reminded me a lot of the critically acclaimed and controversial “Funny Games” (2007). That film also showed ostensibly innocent adversaries entering a family’s home after gaining their trust, and then doing awful things.

Emilie is played to perfection by Sarah Bolger, who has a beautiful, kind face, which only makes the character’s incongruous psychopathy even more unsettling for the viewer.  It took me a while to place the actress’ face, until I recognized her as the somewhat feckless protagonist of 2011’s “The Moth Diaries.”  I was impressed with her talent then as a hapless good guy, and I think her performance here was phenomenal.  She plays the innocent-looking, yet icy antagonist here with subtle, unnerving malice.  The rest of the cast is also uniformly quite good.  This is true even of the young child actors, but most especially of Joshua Rush.

The movie is briskly paced, but its sparing dialogue still manages to rattle and then shock.  It’s a sometimes obscene story of imperiled children that really gets under your skin.  Most of its directing is clean and clear.  Combined with the unusual score, it gives the story a dreamlike quality.

The movie loses its way just a little at about the 40-minute mark, when its perverse, moody dialogue and strictly psychological horror give way to the familiar elements of a boilerplate thriller.  An unnecessary backstory is given for our antagonist, delivered by an overly convenient, standard flashback sequence that feels out of place and that disrupts the pacing.  (“Her mind was shattered.”)  Then, other plot points also feel just a little by-the-numbers, moving “Emilie” away from true cinematic greatness and toward just being a very good horror flick.

Finally, Bolger’s villain is defanged a little when the script calls for her to lose her calm demeanor after the plucky, oldest child (Rush) defies her, in a well executed but entirely predictable David and Goliath story.  And her character’s reliance on a nameless, voiceless and superfluous confederate here also makes her a little less enigmatic.

How much greater would this movie have been if Emilie’s motivations remained a mystery?  What if, like “Funny Games” or “The Strangers” (2008), all we knew is that she was an highly intelligent sociopath acting for no discernible reason?  What if she were acting entirely alone?

And what if the horror remained strictly psychological, with no actual violence to up the ante until the closing minutes?  The most disturbing scenario I can think of is this — what if she were able to psychologically manipulate the children to violently turn against one another, or against their parents upon their return?  That could be an ambiguous, darker and far more thematic story than the second half of the film we see here.

Still, this was a damned effective scary movie, and that’s good enough.  I recommend it.

One more thing — there actually is a famous, heartwarming French romantic comedy entitled “Amelie” (2001), which I have not seen.  I think it would be blackly funny if some sentimental filmgoers wanted to rent that and accidentally picked up “Emilie.”

 

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