Tag Archives: humor

I didn’t choose the coronavirus life; the coronavirus life chose ME.

Yeah, turns out I was next up on the dance card for this colossal prick of a pathogen. I had a positive reading on an antigen test tonight. (If you haven’t ordered your free tests from the federal government, you should do so. It’s quick and easy.)

Fun fact — did you know that most biologists agree that viruses are not technically “alive?” Sure, they can replicate and adapt to their environment, but they can’t do things like grow, or produce their own energy, or remain internally stable (homeostasis). So they can’t actually pass the basic criteria for what scientists consider “life.”

So, if you think about it, I and my fellow Covid-afflicted Americans are fighting zombies.

Please … do what you can not to catch this and subsequently spread it further. Be a Rick Grimes and not one of The Whisperers.


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Today’s agenda — contact my friend in seminary.

Ask him if a Jesus-shaped ice-pop is an example of eisegesis.

I’ll show myself out.

C’mon. This is GOLD. I am CLEVER. (I am indeed tired of explaining to everybody that I am clever.)



Sigh. Mama told me there’d be days like this.

Actually, she didn’t. This f***ed up apocalyptic shit is what I was warned about by “The Stand,” “Planet of the Apes,” George A. Romero and 80’s-era comic books.

Honorable mention goes to the TV adaptation of “The Third Wave.”



You’re all nuts.

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Indiana Nolan and the Windowsill of Crystal Skulls.

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“Swing away, Merrill.”

I submitted a letter to the editor to The Washington Post.

It’s a long shot. But I might as well go for the brass ring before something in this dystopian world kills me.



“Barilla!”

Barillaaaaaaaa! I made Farfalle from Barillllaaaaaaaaa!!
And then I stuffed my face
because this pasta tastes
so goooooooooooood!!!!

* — to be sung to the tune of “Maria” from “West Side Story”



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And we still haven’t gotten any flappers yet.

I want flappers, dammit.

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via The Other 98%

THIS GILDED AGE.

More evidence that Slim Jims are a superfood — the box doubles as a handy pen holder.


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I feel frikkin’ GROSS.

Here’s the thing about a healthy diet — you avoid greasy foods.

But then when you DO treat yourself to a precious cheeseburger, you feel like you just drank an oil-slick milkshake with a chaser of cooking spray.

Update — ET TU, CHEESEBURGER?!