Either way, that’s a truly terrible salute.  They’re gonna bust me down to private for that.

We need to call it something else to make it seem cooler. Tactical Urban Street Transporter?

If we call it a Tactical REMOVABLE Urban Street Transporter we can go with the acronym T.R.U.S.T., but I’m not sure how cool that sounds — I’ve never been an expert on what’s cool. T.R.U.S.T. sounds like a credit-building plan suggested by a patient, sympathetic banker.

Tactical Urban Freight Forwarder (T.U.F.F.)? No.

Tactical Omnipurpose Urban Ghetto Holder-of-things (T.O.U.G.H.) ? No.

Update: a pal of mine just suggested “Otter Pocket.” Hold up. That’s actually brilliant, because it compels me to adopt a corresponding otter occupant. And I have always wanted an excuse to enlist an otter.

CERTAIN PEOPLE WHO WE WILL NOT MENTION made a wealth of humorous comments about how unprecedented this was, because my friends apparently all know me as a homebody.  WHATEVER.

I just tried to order a Slushie without ice, because I am so used to ordering my sodas that way, and also because I am a f***ing imbecile.

“Well … they’re MADE with ice,” the polite high schooler explained apologetically.

This reminds me of that time in my 20’s when I ordered from the Taco Bell drive-thru but drove right through with getting my order, because reasons.