“Because everyone deserves a second shot.” Coming soon to a theater near you.
If I understand the science correctly, this makes me immune to criticism. You people make a note of it.
Tag Archives: humor
THE VACCINE RAP.
I’m half vaccinated —
but fully caffeinated!
My vax card’s laminated
while my wit is adulated!
My laptop’s activated
with a WIP that’s paginated —
so if you’re not aggravated
by verses fabricated,
I hope you’re acclimated
to being fascinated!
[Insert scratchy turntable here or something]
(I heard “Joker” was already taken.)
I told my best friend yesterday that there was a boa constrictor loose in my house and she TOTALLY BOUGHT IT. So did her kids.
And last year I had her convinced that a family of raccoons had moved into my closet.
I am the April Fool’s joke MASTER; I should be a supervillain named “April Fool.”
Her, after the reveal: “At this point, I hope you get eaten.”
Hello, Hello, Hello, How Low?
I gotta explain the situation in my drawers.
I habitually break my reading glasses by either stepping or sitting on them. So I stocked up on a bunch of cheap pairs at the start of the Covid pandemic, because I am totally not down with any of that “Time Enough At Last” horseshit.
I even fell into the habit of tossing the broken pairs into the same drawer, in hoarder-like fashion. (Am I supposed to repair them someday, maybe? Glasses repair is not really a thing with me.)
Anyway, that drawer has reached the point where I look like a serial killer who bludgeons nerdy, frugal, fashion-blind men over the head and then takes their glasses as trophies — like some pathetic riff on the alien “Predator” (1987).
I need to leave a note in that drawer to exonerate myself to the police — in case I die in my sleep or something.
OHMIGOD, THE ANTIVAXXERS WERE ACTUALLY HALF RIGHT!
No, nobody puts a chip in you along with the Covid vaccine — but there’s a side effect where you start to look and sound like Chip Douglas!
Actually … forget it, false alarm. I just remembered that already look and sound like Chip Douglas.
HEY, UNCLE CHARLEY.
Seriously, the side effects from my first dose of the Pfizer vaccine yesterday have been minor. My arm is still sore, and I felt BLECH with fatigue last night — but I woke up this morning back to my usual nerdy self.
A Separate Peace.
I myself am rooting for the new store-brand Captain America.
He just seems so goddamn earnest — like your 11-year-old kid trying out for the team.
And he at least looks better in that uniform than I would. (Nolan’s got a spare tire.)
This totally just happened …
My friend Daniel Heintz: “Boy, what changes will happen in a year.”
Me: “Yep. Heintz’ sight is 20/20.”
NOLAN INDA HOUSE TARGARYEN.
Just a nifty stick I found by the Potomac River.
