Me: “All our lives are fleeting, friends, so use what time you have in a meaningful way.”
Also me: “Anyone dare me to eat this watermelon chunk with ketchup on it?”
Tag Archives: humor
“Would you come into my Parler?” said The Spider to The Fly.
“Would you come into my Parler?” said The Spider to The Fly.
“There’s news for real Americans — the MAGA girls and guys!
The way into my Parler is up a winding stair.
If you have a brain or conscience, just leave them out there.”
“Oh yes, yes,” said the little Fly, “a place to bash and blame
those party-pooping liberals who fact-check all my claims!”
(Hey, he’s into quack medicine too.)
Schrodinger’s Lame Duck — refusing to concede the election while simultaneously vowing to run against the victor in another four years.
Christ, I’m funny.
Trump supporter friend: “Now is the time for Christians to share the good news of the Gospel and get as many to accept Jesus Christ as we are able…..He’s coming back very, very soon!”
Me: “Don’t wait up. He’s at my house celebrating the election results.”
Donald Trump Limericks!
I’m sharing these again just for fun before Tuesday. People really seem to like them.
Donald Trump Limerick #1
If Don was unloved by his Mama,
it would explain a lot of the drama —
his low self-esteem,
and his feverish dream
of being more loved than Obama.
Donald Trump Limerick #2
There once was a doltish aggressor
who lied at his pandemic presser.
He figured he’d use
his tried-and-true ruse
of blaming his black predecessor.
Donald Trump Limerick #3
There once was a man who was slow
who got caught in a quid pro quo.
He was following orders
from outside our borders
from a KGB agent and foe.
Donald Trump Limerick #4
There once was a dumb demagogue
whose thoughts were always a fog.
He was ever perplexed
by dementia’s effects
and came off like a sputtering hog.
Donald Trump Limerick #5
There once was a man from Manhattan
whose pockets he wanted to fatten.
He couldn’t predict
that the law was so strict
and Pelosi’s as tough as George Patton.
Donald Trump Limerick #6
And now the disordered goon
is hell-bent on mining the moon.
The strange new digression
leaves us the impression
that he’s a distractible loon.
(c) 2019 Eric Robert Nolan
Happy Halloween!!!
I hope you’ve got something fun planned. Granted, I don’t exactly look terrifying in my discount glow-in-the-dark hockey mask, but hey.
I DO have an excellent Halloween pun for you.
If I summon two demons today to do my bidding, but instead elect to lease them out to you, why is that a GOOD thing?
Because it makes me the lessor of two evils.
Damn, I’m good.
I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but …
… it looks like they’re still not wearing masks at the Trump rallies.
(It’s okay not to laugh. This is such an obscure movie joke that only 40-something horror nerds will get it.)
So this is my Halloween costume.
Just gonna strap it to my head and go as the Vice President of the United States.
“GET OUT!”
I, for one, think the Vice President performed remarkably well at last night’s debate — especially right after being harassed by demons at that house in Amityville.
(It’s a 90’s thing. You wouldn’t understand.)
Somebody tell Mike Pence that his Aeon Flux impression needs a little work.
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 