No, spellcheck, I did not want to address my Mexican-American friend as “Chihuahua;” I indeed meant to call her “Chiquita.”
Thanks for having my back, though, because confusing those two words can really affect the tone of a message.
Tag Archives: humor
This is a totally real conversation I had on Twitter.
Obvious scammer on Twitter (disguised as sexy girl): “My name is Kaleta.”
Me: “My name is Luka. I live on the second floor.”
Scammer: “That’s nice to hear from you where are you from”
Me: “I live upstairs from you. Yes, I think you’ve seen me before.”
Scammer: “Oh really”
Me: “If you hear something late at night — some kind of trouble, some kind of fight — just don’t ask me what it was.”
Scammer: “Oh I see so can you send me pic of you If you don’t mind.”
Me: “I think it’s because I’m clumsy. I try not to talk too loud.”
Scammer: “Oh om Ok Can you send a pic of you This is me” [Sends picture again. I have been reliably informed by a friend that the picture is actually one of the Playboy Playmates. Which is curious, because “Kaleta’s” Twitter profile somewhat puzzlingly refers to her as an “Able God.”]
Me: “Maybe it’s because I’m crazy. I try not to act too proud.”
Scammer:
Me: “They only hit until you cry. After that you don’t ask why.”
Scammer:
Me: “You just don’t argue anymore.
You just don’t argue anymore.
You just don’t argue anymore.”
“O what was that bird, said horror to hearer?”
So I just saw an eagle. I believe it’s only the second one that I’ve seen in my life. (I went through an embarrassing phase upon arriving in Virginia in which I thought all those vultures were eagles, but I got over that.)
It looked truly enormous, even from a distance — much larger, I think, than the eagles I’ve seen in Youtube videos; I’m not sure what the story there is.
This comes a day after a veritably massive heron took me off guard, too. (It was like a pterodactyl. It buzzed me like Maverick buzzes the tower in Top Gun.)
I keep trying to get pictures for you guys; I’d love to run photos here. But I’m always too clumsy in grabbing, pointing and shoot my camera. (I need to practice drawing and shooting really quickly, like maybe one of those Westworld robots.)
After my vain attempt to get a shot of tonight’s eagle, it occurred to me that if I knew where it nested, I could at least keep my eye out. So started eyeballing the treelines in my neighborhood. I might have looked funny, because I had to squint, because my eyes aren’t what they used to be, and I’ve been told that I look “grudgy” when I squint, like I’m “looking for revenge or something.” So I probably look like a lunatic walking around now, vengefully squinting upward, like a dude just waiting for the Martians to attack again so he can finally fight back.
My neighbors think I’m weird enough. I can tell by the questions they ask me.
I’ll keep you guys posted.
Today’s thoughts:
- My newest nickname for Donald Trump is Tweeti Amean, and I’m damned proud of myself.
- I’ve got a lotttta slippers at the foot of my bed, and that’s not code or innuendo or anything.
I’m just weird and old.
Rich in slippers, though — so I got that goin’ for me.
- I really should pull that red wheel barrow out of the rain.
So much depends on it.
- I’ll never again make fun of the ukulele after hearing this woman perform (it was part of my A material for a while):
Tweety Nerd.
Jon Bon Nolan
Whoaaaaaaaa, halfway there-ere!
Whoa-OH! Robin on a chair!!!
(*as per those viral Facebook memes.)
This type of exchange is always awkward …
Here’s another conversation I had last night:
Friend #1: “Jack Kerouac used a typewriter. You know those old typewriters, right? You had had to put the paper in, you rolled it through.”
Me: “Yes. I know typewriters. I owned a typewriter when I was a kid. I took a typing course in high school.”
Friend #2: [Skeptical pause] “Eric … how old are you?”
Somebody asked me tonight if I was wearing cologne.
LOL! like I’m classy enough for cologne!
People are lucky if I smell like a chicken salad sandwich I just ate. Or maybe mango-flavored vape.
You know what? I should mix those and patent the scent. I could call it Eau de Nolan.
Or maybe just Odious Nolan.
I’m rambling again.
Nolan be trippin’.
Not sure whose root
tripped and made me bang my snoot.
Coulda been an oak’s joke
or a hickory’s trickery.
Photo credit: By Nicholas A. Tonelli from Northeast Pennsylvania, USA – Hearts Content Scenic Area (7), CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=61775566
Maddow ’bout you.
Anyone want to place bets on the precise start of the president’s Twitter meltdown following Rachel Maddow’s interview of Len Parnas? Or maybe the number of tweets from him in the subsequent 24 hours?
Or does Vegas have this covered?
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 