My handwriting sucks.
Update: “Alarm clock!!” I need to buy a new alarm clock!!!
Update 2: Although I probably should also get out to the coast to build and operate that clam shack I’ve always dreamed of.
Tag Archives: humor
The first rule of Wight Club is that you don’t talk about Wight Club.
Your second pun of the day. Even if only GoT fans will get it.
I got my mind on my Monet and my Monet on my mind.
I abhor the work of Claude Monet. I do. The fact that his paintings monopolized the covers of art textbooks is probably why I never took an art class in college. (Mary Washington actually had a pretty popular art history course; my friends exhorted me to take it, but I never followed their advice.)
I don’t even much like the piece you see below. I’m running this blog post simply because I’m proud of the pun in its headline. Again — you people really should be paying me for these jokes.
Anyway, the title of Monet’s 1881 painting below is “Ship Aground.”
Trump is exonerated.
Breaking news — it was all a misunderstanding. Trump actually WAS nominated to be Person of the Year.
But he was called by the herbal cooking journal — THYME Magazine.
[Update: the White House just issued a correction — it was actually a BDSM porn mag — Tie ‘Em In Magazine.]
Oedipus didn’t have a girlfriend exactly …
… but he did have a significant mother.
(You people really should be paying me for writing these jokes.)
Ouchey Mountain Town Flora.
This happens from time to time. I’ll be out walking, and I’ll inexplicably return covered with these — which is weird, because I don’t remember brushing up against any plants.
They get into my bed, and they’re actually sharp — creating the very real danger of injury to my unmentionables.
Too good not to share.
Thank you, Andrew Stanley Partridge.
I sound just like Brendan Gleeson right now. I am AWESOME.
Tonight’s agenda — speak exclusively in British slang; tell all the nobs to bugger off, and sort out all the bellends. Then meet up with a nice bird who isn’t a tart.
Nice one. Right, my British slang is proper, innit? Oh, you don’t think so? GET OUT OF IT, THEN.
Tally ho!
Sally forth!
And let slip the dogs of war! (Or something!)
Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of York!!
[Update: God damn it. I realized just now that Brendan Gleeson is IRISH.]
(It’s a good thing her name isn’t “Lola.”)
— That awkward moment when you are texting a woman and you try to text “LOL you are too much” and it autocorrects to “Lola you ate too much.”
— That awkward moment when the clerk says “Whattya been up to, Big Daddy?” and you answer “Nothing much,” except she was talking to her boyfriend who walked in behind you.
Yeah, tonight’s a winner. Maybe this is proof that Friday the 13th is actually a thing.
That totally weird moment when Trump reminds you of a scene in “Batman Returns” (1992) …
I can’t be the only person who’s thought of this. It’s been bugging me since I first saw the footage of Donald Trump throwing paper towels to people in Puerto Rico.
Doesn’t it remind you of villain Max Shreck throwing presents to Gothamites in “Batman Returns” (1992)? It’s at .15 in the clip below.
Those flying white-faced goddam circus freaks near the end of the scene could be his cabinet members. Jeff Sessions could fly that high if somebody threw him, right?
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 