Tag Archives: Eric Robert Nolan

Our great-great-grandparents smoked crack around Christmas time.

It is the only possible explanation for their bizarre greeting cards.  (Just one more post about this, I promise.)

The card below is from the Victorian era.  It features an apparently affluent … turnip man.  Who wishes the reader “a Merry Christmas” with handheld stone tablet shaped like a heart.  (Is it a tombstone?  Why is their a flowering plant growing out of it?)

Now … if I had been this card’s creator, I would have at least added, “I hope all sorts of good things turnip for you in the New Year.”  Because that’s how I roll.

 

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On Muslim legislators, head scarves, and Separation of Church and State.

I have been interacting online with a few Donald Trump supporters about Democrats’ desire to repeal the House of Representatives’ 1837 rule against hats on its chamber floor.  The move comes in response to the unprecedented election of two Muslim women to the House, and is intended to allow them to wear their traditional religious headwear.  (The 19th Century rule itself has little to do with religion, and simply forbids hats outright.)

Some of the Trump supporters are expressing their objections civilly, and some of them a bit less so, but their message is the same — that the Democrats’ desired change would be a breach of separation of church and state.  Their broader (and apparently quite popular) argument is this — Democrats support separation of church and state when it comes to “purging God” from the public schools, but then ignore the concept when presented with an opportunity to shoehorn “ISLAM” (gasp!) to the halls of Congress.

This argument is poor.  I am not a Democrat, and I do not presume to speak for them. But I am a separation of church and state supporter, and I will try here to briefly speak to that.

1) The American principle of law known as “separation of church and state” has nothing to do with promoting or “purging” any religion. The term was coined by Thomas Jefferson to describe one of the First Amendment’s key purposes — to keep a civil government and religious institutions separate, so that neither can perniciously affect the other. Its proponents (which ought to include every American) do not necessarily claim that any religion is good or bad — they merely claim that all religions should be kept separate from a government that is meant to serve all of their various constituencies. It is the best recipe for fairness, and I believe firmly that it is an important firewall against the United States becoming a theocracy.

And yes, evangelical skeptics, I do realize that the words “separation of church and state” do not appear verbatim in the text of the First Amendment.  This shouldn’t matter, as the First Amendment’s text speaks succinctly enough itself on the matter:  “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof…”  (That sounds pretty straightforward to me.)

And the words are indeed Jefferson’s — he coined the term when writing about the First Amendment, in an 1802 letter to the Danbury Baptist Association.  Its text is clear:

“Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, & not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should “make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,” thus building a wall of separation between Church & State. Adhering to this expression of the supreme will of the nation in behalf of the rights of conscience, I shall see with sincere satisfaction the progress of those sentiments which tend to restore to man all his natural rights, convinced he has no natural right in opposition to his social duties.”

2) Saying that a legislator wearing a religious scarf is a violation of separation of church and state (and comprises a government endorsement of religion) is an incredible reach. By that logic, members of Congress shouldn’t be allowed to wear crucifixes as pendants or lapel pins either. Or … let me try a different example. Suppose that a Christian legislator wore a cap or a t-shirt depicting a crucifix. It would be silly for me to claim that this was a government endorsement of Christianity. Modes of personal dress do not represent an effort by their wearers to force religion on the rest of us.

Furthermore, proscribing these modes of dress could easily be perceived as a violation of the wearer’s individual First Amendment rights. (It is my understanding that Democrats are characterizing this prohibition — reasonably, I think — as a violation of the First Amendment’s protection of freedom of religion.) I would also entertain the idea that it violates freedom of speech as well.

3) Comparing a head scarf with the issue of mandatory prayer in the public schools is a tremendous false equivalence. One concerns what one member of Congress can wear on her head. The other concerns whether a religious schoolteacher can force all public school children under his or her charge to pray.  The former consists of one person “participating” in a religion (inasmuch as modes of dress denoting affiliation are seen as “participating.”)  The latter consists of one person (quite literally) forcing others to participate.

4) If prayer in the public schools is what Trump supporters are truly so concerned about, then they can relax. We already have prayer in the public schools — student initiated, voluntary prayer. What we do not have is mandatory, teacher-led prayer in the public schools. Students are free to pray. Public school students are also free to refrain from prayer, whether or not the teacher is happy with that. This best ensures that the rights of religious people are protected, while the rights of non-religious people are also protected. Doesn’t that sound fair?

5) This is admittedly a silly argument, but … a rule against hats? Does Congress really need that? Let the new Muslim legislators wear their head scarves.  Let Christian legislators wear hats depicting Christian symbols, if that is what they would like. Let the Trump supporters wear MAGA caps. Let a dude wear a cowboy hat. Let me wear my “Deadpool” cap (when you are all finally wise enough to elect me to Congress). Everybody should just get down with their bad selves and be cool. We’re Americans, not the 18th Century House of Lords mincing around Queen Anne. Let freedom of expression take precedence over propriety.

 

 

 

More vintage Christmas card weirdness.

Here is another of those strange vintage Christmas cards that I talked about yesterday.  If you wander around Pinterest or Wikimedia Commons, you’ll see that people from generations past often had a sense of humor that is as weird as the average meme-make today.  The card below dates from the Victorian era, and serves as an example of a greeting card that features a brief, bizarre, rhyming poem.

It also illustrates what seems to me to be a common trope.  Vintage holiday cards (which appear to include those for Thanksgiving and New Year’s) often feature the same common subjects that their designers deemed both funny and festive.  These include baby chicks (cute enough), dirigibles (because … blimps are interesting?) and frogs (huh?).

Anyway … the frogs you see upended below are actually serving up a parable to the reader.  (They slipped on the ice, you see, because they disobeyed their mother’s wishes.)  Soooooo, this card was meant for children?  Or … adults with a dark sense of humor who enjoy laughing at frogs’ injuries?

Also … they’re carrying pipes.  How old are these disobedient frogs?

 

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Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” like an undead woolly mammoth speaking in verse while cupids try to kill it.

Vintage Christmas cards are nuts, as anyone who’s ever gone down that particular Kafka-esque rabbit hole will tell you.  If you do a simple Google image search, you can see that our supposedly dignified forebears evidently toked up a lot around the holidays, whether it was on opium or bathtub gin or cocaine-fueled Coca-Cola or sassafras or whatever.

This might be the weirdest one yet.  The card below dates from 1912, and actually features a handwritten, rhyming poem –a lot of these antique holiday cards feature short, peculiar, rhyming poems; it was almost a folk-art genre unto itself.

Anyway, you’ll see that the poem below describes a woolly mammoth being excavated, and then … resurrecting or something.  (Or is this its ghost?)  The prehistoric animal has a creepy (though quaint and nicely vivid poem) addressing his saviors.  I’m pretty sure it’s about women’s suffrage, though I’m not sure whether it’s for or against.  I’m leaning toward the latter.  The poem gets harder to read toward the end, but … does it describe the female animals leading the males “meekly” to their long-ago death and entombment in the ice?  (And the author’s position is sort of implied by the one-word query, “Suffragette?” circled and written in blood-red letters.)

There are two cupids endeavoring to kill this unholy animal; you can find them in the top corners.  Because it’s a zombie, they are wisely aiming for its head.

“Merry Christmas,” in other words.

What is sassafras, exactly, anyway?  I can honestly you that I do not know for sure.

 

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I know that this is childish for me to go on about. (But when has that ever stopped me before?)

The trees in Melania Trump’s new White House Christmas display are BLOOD-red.  They’re like something out of the film adaptations of Clive Barker’s “Hellraiser” books. They look like they’re metal frames layered with webs of human capillaries.

It’s a Pinhead Christmas.

(I’m so sorry you have to put up with such weirdness when you visit this blog.  You people put up with a lot, seriously.  But I watch a lot of horror movies, okay?)

[Update: an alumna of mine just piped in — “It is a pinhead Christmas in more ways than one.”  Well played, Madam.]

 

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A cooling, gray Grandin day.

Grandin Village in Roanoke, Virginia. November 2018.

Pictured is Grandin Road.

 

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Throwback Thursday: “Movie Monsters,” by Alan Ormsby (1975)

Alan Ormsby’s “Movie Monsters” was a 1970’s children’s book that wound up in my young hands by the start of the 1980’s.  I suspect that my older brother must have ordered it at school from Scholastic Books (remember them and their in-school sales bulletins?)  So by the time it filtered down to me, it already had the “big kid” book mystique in addition to featuring monsters — I was pretty enamored with it even before I sat down and read it through.

And it was a gem.  God, I loved this book.  (And I wish I’d happened across this on the Internet before Halloween, which was less than a month ago.)

There was a nice rundown of each the major Universal Studios monsters, in language that was easily comprehensible to a young kid.  And that was the first time I’d gotten a complete and detailed picture of the movies.  (They were well before my parents’ time.  And even today, I’m surprised to realize I can’t remember seeing any of Universal’s Gothic monster classics on television.  I’m really only getting started on them now, in my 40’s.)

There was a section of the book devoted to how a kid could create monster makeup out of common household substances, like … vegetable oil?  Baking soda?  Flour?  I forget.  [Update: it was corn starch!  No wonder my costumer friend laughed at me when I told her about this book and told her it suggested corn syrup.]  There might have been food coloring involved too; I really can’t remember.

And there was another section devoted to monster-themed magic tricks, as well as the script for a play that you could put on in the backyard.  Damn, this book stimulated my imagination.  I remember reading about Lon Chaney and Lon Chaney, Jr. and wanting to be them.

Other 70’s and 80’s kids remember this book too.  “Mr. Karswell” at the “and everything else too” blog has uploaded a bunch of pages from it; you can find them right here.  And there’s another neat rundown by George McGowan over here at “Collecting Classic Monsters.”

There’s actually another book like this that I’d love to run down and post about — “Movie Monsters From Outer Space.”  That one, I think, was published in the early 80’s, but that generic title makes it a bit hard to hunt down via Google.  If anybody out there has any links or more info about it, I’d be grateful if you sent it my way.

 

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The End

(It’s worse than the “Gilligan’s Island” theme.)

That awkward moment when you’re arguing with a Trump supporter online about a false dichotomy, and you type “Hillary’s hypothetical guilt does not exonerate Donald.”

And then it gets stuck in your head, because it sounds like the start of the most weird-ass haiku ever.

 

 

 

“The lion’s mouth whose hunger/ No metaphors can fill?”

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“NOW YOU WILL WITNESS THE TRUE POWER OF DECEMBER 25TH!!”

Are any of you guys seeing what I am seeing with Melania Trump’s new White House Christmas display?