Tag Archives: Eric Robert Nolan

“V/H/S: Viral” got a lot of negative reviews. This isn’t one of them.

I’m a little flabbergasted here with the negative critical response to “V/H/S: Viral” (2014).  I thought this was a fantastic little horror anthology flick that redeemed the “V/H/S” franchise from a pretty poor second installment.  (And apparently fans liked that one?)

I’d give this a 9 out of 10.  It certainly isn’t for everybody, with its violence, gore and disturbing content.  (I’m going to repeat that: as with past “V/H/S” films, this has some disturbing content, so beware.)  But it should be a damned scary treat for hardcore horror fans.

This time out, we’ve got three short films linked together by the running “wraparound” film.  (A fourth segment was edited out.)

The first is like a damn good episode of “The X Files.”  The fight with the cops was fantastic, and the special effects were surprisingly good for a “V/H/S” movie.

The second film is a wonderfully creative horror/science fiction tale that plays out like a terrific classic short story.  (Yes, it begins a bit slow, but I think that’s an intentional part of the narrative.)  This segment gets extra points for its unabashed use of some not-so-subtle Freudian body horror.

The third film isn’t perfect, with a thin story and some schlock horror cheesiness.  But it’s still really entertaining, thanks to the teen skateboarder anti-heroes (and their “photographer guy” tagalong) that were scripted perfectly and then performed perfectly by their young actors.  I am still laughing at how one character threatens to “pistol whip” another for interrupting him.  These kids were great.  They’re perfect malcontents at first — then, thanks to a nice flourish in the script involving a homeless person — they’re shown to have more depth than that.  Gimme a full-length feature film starring these brats.  I’m serious.

Finally, the wraparound tale’s finale was brutal and perfect.  And what a great use of classical music!

A few things left me scratching my head:

1)  We learn little about the story’s antagonist in the wraparound tale — exactly who or what is responsible for the speeding ice-cream truck?  I wanted to know more, despite the story’s deliberate ambiguity.

2)  Why does the main character’s girlfriend in the wraparound story enter the truck?

3)  How do people on bicycles manage to keep pace with the speeding truck?  One of them is a bicycle made for a young girl.  They … even outpace the pursuing police cars?

Forget the haters, check this out.

Oh!!  One more thing — if you view this via Netflix, as I did, you’ll find that the entire second segment is in Spanish.  You can fix this just by wiggling Netflix’ captions function at the bottom right.

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When is “Shaun of the Dead” not “Shaun of the Dead?”

When it’s “April Apocalypse” (2013).  Don’t let that dissuade you from watching it, though, because despite being a derivative zombie movie, it’s still quite good.  [THIS REVIEW CONTAINS MINOR SPOILERS.]

To be honest, it actually borrows more heavily from “Zombieland” (2009), with its tone and narrative style.   But … I actually think I like this more than “Zombieland,” because the humor of that popular movie often fell flat with me, and I walked away feeling that it was a little overrated.

“April Apocalypse” actually has a smart, funny script, with a likable kid as a protagonist (capably played by Reece Thompson, who reminds me a little of Ryan Reynolds).  There are a lot of genuine laughs, depending on off-beat, quirky characters and dry line delivery.  The family scenes are extremely funny — who would have thought that the prison rapist from “The Shawshank Redemption” (Mark Rolston) could be a hilarious dysfunctional Dad?  I’d give this movie an 8 out of 10, and I cheerfully recommend it to fans of the genre.

I … don’t always respond so well to horror-comedies, so some of the truly black humor was a turn-off for me.  We see a church full of desperate people perish in a manner that is supposed to be funny; one character dryly shrugs them off as expendable “Jesus Freaks.”  If you ask me, that’s disturbing, not funny.  Ask yourself this, secular friends — what if the script was different, and those sacrificed (in grisly fashion) were attendants at an American Atheist Convention?  Most of my close friends who enjoy “The Walking Dead” as much as I do are also Christian.  Which makes this joke, at the very least … icky, in my opinion.

We also see a running gag that I’ve seen pop up from time to time in zombie films and fiction.  Otherwise good-natured characters gleefully enjoy killing the zombie versions of people who they disliked when they were alive.  That’s some pretty dark humor, and maybe it’s transparently pathological.  I like survival stories of people coming together to fight an insurmountable threat — not murder-by-proxy jokes.

Finally, I would have gone with a different ending.  I won’t say more because I don’t want to make this post too spoiler-heavy.

Anyway, sorry to over-analyze and be a grumpy old man.  Do give this film a chance and watch it.  It was surprisingly good and made me laugh a lot.

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Okay — maybe the Julianne Moore joke has gone far enough …

I see that the photo of “me” and Julianne Moore that I blogged a couple of days ago has gotten a record number of hits, and 56 Facebook shares.  I need to come clean that it was intended as just a silly hoax.

I have never met Julianne Moore; the man shown is renowned actor James Woods.  It’s been a running joke among a lot of people that I look like Woods — I have been hearing it since I was 16 years old.  My buddy Pete Harrison sent the picture to me as a gag.

Nor did Moore visit Washington, DC this past weekend as part of her charity efforts, as far as I am aware.  The Facebook comments I made about her kissing me on the cheek and telling me I was “a special guy?”  Pure fiction.  Her press office contacting me the next day because she wanted to stay in touch?  Also fiction.  Finally, I extemporized about her hair carrying the scent of strawberries and lavender, but … somehow … I just KNOW that part is actually true.

I love it when people are kind enough to share my blog posts — I’m really sorry if anyone passed this along unaware that it was a joke!  🙂

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My review of “When the Wind Blows” (1986)

“When the Wind Blows” is a decent 1986 British animated film that follows an elderly couple trying in vain to survive a nuclear war.  It was adapted from a graphic novel by Raymond Briggs, and the two characters are modeled after Briggs’ parents – which must have made this a challenging project to write, given the dark, tragic nature of the material. I’ve had a few friends recommend this – and I suspect it might have a bit of a cult following because it also features music by none other than Roger Waters, David Bowie and Genesis.

This movie employs irony on two levels. One, the animation style is deceptively child-like, and eerily contrasts a brutal story about two people who are woefully unprepared for the aftermath of a nuclear holocaust. It’s a mixture of traditional animation and stop-motion photography, with departures every now and again for really thematic montages, which make great use of fantastic imagery.

Two, the story focuses on the husband’s naive reliance upon government-issue pamphlets, which are entirely inadequate to help them. The feckless couple also romanticizes the British experience during World War II’s “The Blitz,” and wrongfully expects their experience with the new world war will parallel that.

I thought it was well done. I’m not sure the material warranted an hour-and-a-half running time, however, I think this could have been covered in 40 minutes to an hour. The caricaturized voices and vocal optimism also made the characters slightly annoying after about an hour.

Still, I’d give it a 7 out of 10.

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I will not be reviewing “The Human Centipede 3” here …

… because I will not watch the movie.  I watched the entire original, and even reviewed it.  (If you guys are ever interested, look up Roger Ebert’s review of the first movie.  It’s a treatise on tactful, oblique language.)  Then I watched maybe the first 20 minutes of “The Human Centipede 2.”  Frankly, that is just about enough human-centipedey-ness for one lifetime.

I keep mistakenly calling them “The Human Caterpillar” movies … I think that might be some form of Freudian repression.

This film is just so … gross that it’s beneath even me and the reprobates that will occasionally populate my peer group.  I can’t link here to the film’s trailer, or even post a movie poster, because they are just too explicit and repulsive.

Why not focus instead on the Camden family, of The WB’s heartwarming Christian dramedy, “7th Heaven?”  They are far more pleasant, and I’m pretty sure that they inhabit a universe where films like “The Human Centipede 3” do not exist.

Oh you quirky Camdens, with your disarming foibles and well-intentioned hi-jinks!!  YOU’VE CHARMED EVEN THIS SECULAR CURMUDGEON, HAVEN’T YOU???

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Why are so many of my friends’ birthdays happening lately??

Seriously!

Was the end of September just a big smooching time for our parents’ generation??

[EDIT: To be clear, I am indeed aware that “smooching” alone does not cause pregnancy.]

A recommendation: Stephen King’s “Hearts In Atlantis.”

This book is, in a word, beautiful.

I still remember receiving my hardback copy one Christmas.  After tearing off the wrapping paper, I was nonplussed with its cover.  Peace signs and missing-cat posters?  This didn’t look like “Night Shift” or “The Tommyknockers.” The back cover’s synopsis did little to reassure me that I would like it.  It was some kind of “coming-of-age” drama, and promised nothing of the monsters and mayhem that I’d always loved in Stephen King’s work.  I got the sense that this was a gift book that I would read out of politeness.  If memory serves, I indeed only sat down with it years later.

I just recommended it to a college friend this weekend.  (And now I am tempted to go grab it again, even though I have been itching for so very long to revisit that quick, short little tale entitled “IT.”)  I tried to explain to my alum that “Hearts In Atlantis” was a “more mainstream” King novel that could be enjoyed by anyone.  She asked if there were “monsters,” and I told her, “Well, yeah, but they’re almost always mostly off-screen.”  (I have a habit of describing books as though they are movies.)

And I do think that’s a good way to describe it.  This is a great introduction to King for a mainstream reader.  The horror elements are minimal.  The fantasy elements are used as a plot device, but quite sparingly.  Yes, the “Low Men” from whom one character hides are fantasy characters from Stephen King’s sprawling and expansive “Dark Tower” multiverse.  But, since they are portrayed so mysteriously, they can be just as easily read as sinister government agents — and this would fit right in with the 1960’s paranoia that this period novel often establishes as part of its setting.

If you do happen to love “The Dark Tower,” however, the characters of Ted Brautigan and Bobby Garfield will be familiar to you.  And there is even a single, fleeting reference to a certain frightening provocateur for the violence and dissent in 1960’s America.  We only hear him spoken of once.  His initials are “R.F.,” although he is known to employ pseudonyms.  The reference to him makes perfect sense in the context of the story, and spells great sadness for another character we’ve come to like.

But, again — this is definitely a more mainstream novel, maybe more in the spirit of a dark drama like “Dolores Claiborne” (which I have not read).  Psychic powers and shadowy pursuers take a backseat to stories about people.  There isn’t just one “coming-of-age story.”  There are many, as we see key characters faced with trials and crossroads at different points during their often tragic lives, preceding, during and following a difficult and confusing time in American history.  (I keep calling it a “novel,” even though it’s actually several novellas and three long stories.)  Since it’s the same characters in the same universe, I like to think of it as a single overall novel.  The quite-good film adaptation in 2001, starring Anthony Hopkins, actually covers only one novella within the book, “Low Men In Yellow Coats.”  The eponymous “Hearts in Atlantis” novella is actually a separate tale — one that I enjoyed even more.  This book is a tour de force in showing the points of view for multiple characters.

I was going to state that this is the most moving King tale I’ve ever read.  I hesitate now … I know that a lot of fans point to “The Stand” for such a distinction.  (I personally don’t agree, even though that book is my favorite of all time.)  And certain entries in “The Dark Tower” series are very moving too.  We’ve got Jake’s introduction and fate in “The Gunslinger:”

He is too young to have learned to hate himself yet, but that seed is already there; given time, it will grow, and bear bitter fruit.”

“Go then.  There are other worlds than these.”

We also have Roland of Gilead’s tearful embrace with his father in “Wizard and Glass,” and Steven Deschain’s reveal:  “I have known for five years.”

Still, “Hearts In Atlantis” is a contender.  Parts of it are heartwarming; parts are unflinchingly sad.  It is alternately heartrending and sweet.  I think that this is Stephen King’s most intimate treatment of his characters, with the possible exception of “The Body” (which film fans know as “Stand By Me”).  (And bear in mind, we’re talking about a master of characterization and point-of-view.)  I read “The Body” (part of the collection, “Different Seasons”) when I was a young teen, and that’s so long ago that I cannot adequately compare them.  At any rate, we are a long, long way from straight genre-stuff like “The Boogeyman” and “The Raft.”

I found “Hearts In Atlantis” moving, to say the least.  I hate to invoke the somewhat tired and trite-sounding standby, “I felt as though this book was written especially for me.”  But I do feel that way, and I am not just thinking of one character or one part.  I identified closely with the stages of life and the crises depicted for several characters.  And I can’t even elaborate on why, because such information would be too personal for a public forum.  (Okay, here’s one exception — if anyone reading this lived in Mary Washington College’s Bushnell Hall in 1990 and 1991, there indeed were a slew of guys who played “Hearts” incessantly!!)  This book, which I read in my late 20’s, actually changed the way I looked at … hell, BOOKS.

I’m sorry to gush like a fanboy here yet again … I promise to return to form tomorrow by panning low-budget horror movies.  In the meantime, goodnight, friends.  And do stay ahead of the Low Men.

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I can’t BELIEVE I met Julianne Moore!!!

She visited Washington, DC this weekend as part of her leadership of the Red Nose Day charity telecast.  She is an absolutely lovely human being in addition to being a lovely woman — and she’s warm and downright genteel with her fans.  I also traded hellos with Olivia Wilde and Julianne’s husband, director Bart Freundlich.

Thanks to my great friend Pete Harrison for snapping the picture!!

[EDIT, 5/26/15:  Okay — maybe this  joke has gone far enough … I see this post has gotten a record number of hits, and 56 Facebook shares.  I have never met Julianne Moore; the man depicted is renowned actor James Woods.  It’s been a running joke among a lot of people that I look like Woods — I have been hearing it since I was 16 years old.  Hence the picture of “me” and Moore.  I love it when people are kind enough to share my blog posts — I’m sorry if anyone passed this along unaware that it was a joke!  :-)]

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“The American Dream.”

“There are those will say that the liberation of humanity, the freedom of man and mind are nothing but a dream. They are right. It is the American Dream.”

—  Archibald MacLeish

I hope that all my friends are having a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend.  Please take a moment to remember the reason for tomorrow’s holiday — the good men and women who laid down their lives for our safety and freedoms.  Godspeed and thank you to lost American soldiers.

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“Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.”

—  Oppenheimer quoting the Bhagavad Gita.  I most recently heard this recited in the excellent new science fiction film, “Ex Machina.”  I had one of my own characters quote him when a new weapon was revealed in my novel.  This photo was floating around in my downloads folder, for some reason.

I always thought he invoked the quote after the first atomic bomb was successfully tested in New Mexico in 1945, right there at the site.  Now I am reading that he recited it afterward?

Look at the photo.  The guy had the face of a thoughtful, boyish, soft spoken poet.  Then consider his invention.

God has bizarre sense of irony.

 

 

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