Tag Archives: humor

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Octopasta!

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Because there are two things in this world I cannot resist.  One is octopus and the other is a decent portmanteau.

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My World-Famous Octopus-Swiss-Burger.

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The trick to deliciousness is to pour the juice from the octopus can onto the beef while it is frying — preferably with Swiss cheese from the good people at Food Lion.

The last time I shared an octopus recipe online, somebody told me to “up my meds.”  Sigh … like pearls before swine, people.

Update — I know that this does not seem like part of a heart-healthy diet.  But it actually IS, because an octopus has eight hearts.

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Throwback Thursday: this 80’s-era fake wood paneling!

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People on the “I Found This Online” Facebook page are joking about this weird faux-wood paneling from the 1980’s.  (It got 96,000 “likes.”)  There is even a Reddit page about them!  These walls were everywhere in my rural/suburban New York neighborhood.

I love them!  Sure, you couldn’t hang anything up because you couldn’t get a thumb-tack in.  But they’re dark and rustic, and they take me right back to the 1980’s.  Gimme a basement with these walls, a plush rug, a television, an Atari 2600 and a stack of 80’s horror films on VHS ands I’ll be very happy.  (Hopefully the movies will include 1986’s “Aliens” and 1982’s “The Thing.”)

Better yet, leave out a couple of liters of soda and some chips, and let me invite a couple of Longwood High School friends over.

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Move over, pineapple pizza. It’s time for OCTOPUS PIZZA.

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I am a man who is loathe to tamper with a classic.  And every slice of pizza from Benny Marconi’s in Roanoke, Virginia is a damned artwork.

Still … they did not offer octopus as a topping.  (I searched their website pretty thoroughly.)  And then I realized that I had NEVER seen the most sublime of foods offered as a pizza topping.

Innovation built this country, and I have a flair for the culinary.  So I went home and concocted the brilliance you see below.

Update — Damn.  I just realized I wrote this whole post ignoring the potential for an “octupie” pun.

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Hurricane? More like a hurrican’t.

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And I’m thankful for that.  There were none of the high winds and flooding in my neighborhood that people were worried about.  And today the skies were sunny and blue.

Sure, we got loads of rain yesterday.  But that just seems to be the baseline for this summer.

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The World According to AARP.

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Throwback Thursday: Wista-SHEER Sawce.

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Flashback to the early 1990’s.   I worked the cafeteria at Mary Washington College in Fredericksburg, Virginia.  (It was a work-study program.)  Southern kids would line up at the counter for me to serve them Worcestershire sauce, because they laughed at the way I pronounced it.

It’s “wista-SHEER sawce.”  Years of seeing it passed around my New York Irish dinner table could not have misinformed me.  It was the Southerners and their adorable “WAR-is-to-Shire” pronunciation that deserved laughter.

I’m glad we had this talk.

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Okay, who gets to be Jesus?

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So here’s an idea for a viral challenge — “Last Suppering.” You get together with 12 friends and snap a picture of your own tableau — thus defending free speech by exercising it.

Hey, it’s no stupider then planking or dabbing.

Don’t ask me to start it, though. You know I don’t have 12 friends.

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This post probably looks funny — there’s a hare on your screen.

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Okay, that was bad.  Look — even the rabbit’s embarrassed.

Photo credit: Charles J. Sharp, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0&gt;, via Wikimedia Commons

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Because they can’t just … Sho Kosugi. (Okay, that was terrible.)

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Dude discussing ninja movies on a Gen X Facebook page: “I’m just wondering where all the ninjas went after 1993.”

Me: “Oh, they’re still there. YOU JUST CAN’T SEE THEM.”