[UPDATE: You people DO realize this is s a joke, right? I am not actually seeking the role of Wolverine.]
Wish me luck. Below is the full text of my e-mail to Kevin Feige:
SUBJ: Eric Robert Nolan *IS* Wolverine!!!
Mr. Kevin Feige
President, Marvel Studios
Dear Mr. Feige:
I am writing to you today about an immeasurable benefit that I can bring to the Marvel Cinematic Universe — a definitive silver screen interpretation of Marvel’s iconic character, Wolverine. Behold, please, the photoshopped image of me attached to this e-mail, which shows that I am uniquely suited for the role. (To fully appreciate my uncanny likeness, Mr. Feige, I must ask you here to vocalize the classic sound effect “Snickety-snick” when viewing the photo.) Although my body at age 49 might look slightly different than conventional representations of the character, I feel certain that modern CGI could remedy this.
I studied extensively with the Mary Washington College Drama Department between 1991 and 1994. I studied comic books at the same time — outside of an academic program but with an unbridled enthusiasm I never showed any of my formal studies. I also periodically defeated my formidable classmate John Matthias in debates about whether Wolverine could beat Silver Surfer — and even wrestled him about it in the lobby of New Hall before the 1994 Fall Formal. (I surprised him with the classic tactic with which you are doubtlessly familiar, Wolverine’s roaring, berserker leap.)
There are other benefits as well, should you choose to employ me for this role — I am highly skilled with puns, free-verse poetry, and deconstructing arguments made by Donald Trump supporters. I feel certain that all three of these skills would promote an enlightened and entertained workplace. I will contact your office next week to determine whether an audition can be arranged.
Eric Robert Nolan
P.S. — You did an outstanding job with “What If …?,” by the way! It’s truly amazing stuff!