This happens from time to time. I’ll be out walking, and I’ll inexplicably return covered with these — which is weird, because I don’t remember brushing up against any plants.
They get into my bed, and they’re actually sharp — creating the very real danger of injury to my unmentionables.
Thank you, Andrew Stanley Partridge.
Tonight’s agenda — speak exclusively in British slang; tell all the nobs to bugger off, and sort out all the bellends. Then meet up with a nice bird who isn’t a tart.
Nice one. Right, my British slang is proper, innit? Oh, you don’t think so? GET OUT OF IT, THEN.
Tally ho!
Sally forth!
And let slip the dogs of war! (Or something!)
Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of York!!
[Update: God damn it. I realized just now that Brendan Gleeson is IRISH.]
— That awkward moment when you are texting a woman and you try to text “LOL you are too much” and it autocorrects to “Lola you ate too much.”
— That awkward moment when the clerk says “Whattya been up to, Big Daddy?” and you answer “Nothing much,” except she was talking to her boyfriend who walked in behind you.
Yeah, tonight’s a winner. Maybe this is proof that Friday the 13th is actually a thing.
I can’t be the only person who’s thought of this. It’s been bugging me since I first saw the footage of Donald Trump throwing paper towels to people in Puerto Rico.
Doesn’t it remind you of villain Max Shreck throwing presents to Gothamites in “Batman Returns” (1992)? It’s at .15 in the clip below.
Those flying white-faced goddam circus freaks near the end of the scene could be his cabinet members. Jeff Sessions could fly that high if somebody threw him, right?
Somebody toss some paper towels at me.
That’ll help.
You can see the ominous great sable shape of the moon as it slowly encroaches waiiiiiiiiiiiiiitaminute that’s my giant white nerd head about to obscure the sun. Sorry.
(You can tell by the glasses.)
He’s got 99 problems, but a liche ain’t one.
Friend: “Gotta love Facebook. Less than 6 hours to find my dog. 🙂 )
Me: “Your dog opened a Facebook account?! That’s amazing!”
Guys, please do not view the solar eclipse tomorrow without the ISO-certified eclipse-viewing glasses. You could go blind.
Do not allow any children to view the eclipse without the special glasses. (Wouldn’t a lot of kids just ignore adults’ advice and watch an eclipse unprotected anyway, especially if their eyes don’t hurt when they first look at it? I was that kind of kid.)
Sunglasses are not a substitute. I’m a little confused by what I’ve read so far online about taking pictures, but I understand you should not be looking at the eclipse through a camera or a smartphone camera either.
I don’t know why this whole thing has me acting like such a mother hen on the Internet, seriously. But here we are.
If your eyes aren’t protected, MARION, DON’T LOOK AT IT.
Eric Robert Nolan, Author 